I Will Crumble
by darkroadsahead
Summary: We all make decisions that we regret, decisions that will effect the outcome of our entire lives. Sean Cameron did just that when he fought with Rick for control of the gun..and as he made the choice to move back home with his parents, leaving his love El
1. Default Chapter

**I Will Crumble**

Sean Cameron sat hunched over the table, one arm on his lap while his other hand played with the fork, pushing the food on his plate around, trying to distract himself from his head swimming with thoughts. It has been two months since he said goodbye to Ellie, the girl who he planned on loving forever. And here he was, sitting at his small home in Wasaga Beach while Ellie sat at home in the house they once shared, trying to find a way to pay rent. Sean knew that leaving her like that was a bad idea, he should have thought about the financial issues involved. Yes, he and Ellie were not married, they were far from it. But when she needed a place to crash Sean happily offered. He loved her, and the thought of waking up every morning knowing she was in the same house as him...it was the most amazing feeling he had ever experienced. And for the short while they lived together, it was the one memory he has from Toronto that will follow him everywhere.

Yet he knew for a fact that if he stayed there, it would be the death of him. While he loves Ellie, and with all of his heart, he can no longer walk the halls of Degrassi and pretend as if he was not responsible for taking the life of another human being. Yes, everyone is calling him a hero. So Rick had every intention of killing people, Jimmy, Emma and who knows who else. And while everyone at Degrassi has convinced themselves that Sean grabbed that gun in order to protect Emma, Sean knew the real reason why. The real reason why he grabbed that gun was for Ellie. Even though Ellie and Rick have never even really spoken to one another, just the thought that Rick was walking around school, a gun in his hand shooting innocent people, it scared Sean. The last thing he wanted to happen was for Ellie to be one of those innocent people caught in a wrong place at the wrong time situation. So he grabbed the gun. As he wrestled for control of the weapon with the psychotic boy, all his thoughts were fixated on one thing and one thing only. Ellie's safety. Emma being there, it would not have made a difference if she was not. Because Sean didn't care. All he cared about was ending the violence before it was too late.

When the gun went off, and Sean felt the impact, he felt Rick's entire body surge, he felt the weapon shake in his hand...felt the warm liquid wash over him..while he assumed maybe his fear had gotten the best of him, all he could think about was if he was shot. He was not aware that Rick was the one on the wrong end of the gun until they were both sprawled out on the hard floor. He turned to his side, sweat dripping down his face, his hands covered in blood and quickly searched himself for any wounds. Luckily he came up clean, but when he turned to his side..his entire face dropped at the sight before him. There lay Rick. Covered in blood, dripping from the open wound in his stomach. Sean sat there in shock for what seemed like ages, until finally Ellie's face popped into his head. And as he hurried to his feet, his immediate reaction was to go search for her, make sure she was ok. Because at that moment all he could think was...life without Ellie, is no life at all.

"Sean...are you ok?"

The sound of his mother's voice shook him from his world of memories. Looking up from his plate, Sean slowly nodded. Was he ok? No. Of course not. He'll never be ok. Not after everything that has happened so far this year. Not after being responsible for killing Rick, not after leaving Ellie behind, not after anything. He was living in a place he once dreamed to escape with people who no longer know who he is. They still think he is the same troublemaker badboy being chased by the police around every corner. They have no idea of the man he is now. The man who would do anything for those he loved, the man who cleaned himself up after realizing who his heart belonged too. Ellie had changed Sean. And while many believe it was Emma, all Emma did was reassure him never to expect more of people, because in the end they will let you down. Emma convinced Sean that it is wrong to hold a person to a high standared, especially a person who allowed for her priorities to get in the way of her relationship. While he admired her for caring so much about others, he hated how she never had time for him. It was not until Ellie came along that he realized just how amazing the love of another person could be.

"Sean." Again, he was shaken from his thoughts.

"I'm fine." He mumbled through clenched teeth as he locked eyes with his mother.

"You hardly touched your dinner." She replied, actually sounded concerned for a change.

"Not hungry." Sean replied coldly.

"So, when do we get to meet your girlfriend?" His mother asked, her voice full of hope.

"Never." Sean replied simply.

When he locked eyes with her, he saw as her entire face fell. Actually looking hurt by his harsh coment. But all Sean could think about was what he hated about his mother. Her drinking. She drank too much just like his father and knowing that they too were alcoholics was enough to make sure they never met Ellie.

"Her moms a drunk. Last thing I want is for her to meet you when you're both like this." Sean replied quietly. Great, now he knows he's in for it.

"Watch it." His fathers rough voice broke through the silence.

"Why should I?" Sean asked him. Locking eyes with his old man. "All you two ever do is drink and fight and drink and fight...Ellie's had enough to deal with I don't want her to have to see you two like this." Sean said, standing up from the table.

"What are you saying?" His father asked, standing up as well.

"Face it dad, you're both alcoholics." Sean said, as he stared him in the eyes. Last thing he was going to do was to lie.

"Go to your room!" His father demanded.

Shaking his head, Sean grabbed his sweatshirt from the back of his chair. "I'm going for a walk." He mumbled as he stormed out, slamming the door open as hard as he could. Walking away he heard the sound of the wooden door slamming back against the house, and could not help but smile. Satisfied with the fact that he finally told his father what he thought of him.

---

Ellie Nash sat on the couch, stareing blankly at the screen before her. The sound of the world famous Pearl Pinkton rambling on and on about her famous eraser collection no longer interested Ellie as it once did. As she watched the infomercial all she could think about was the first time she woke up in this house, in Sean's arms and this women was on the news. Discussing the only thing she can, her erasers. And while it was funny back then, her and Sean had a few laughs over it later that day, now it was nothing but another reminder of how alone she felt. Of how lost and empty she was now that Sean, the one person who promised to never leave her, had done just that.

While she fully understood his need to get away from this place, his need to find some sort of peace somewhere else, she could not help but wonder why he chose Wasaga Beach. Why he chose his parents over her, the people who abandoned him and pretended he was nothing short of a regular annoyance in their lives. Of course there was still just one question that continued to haunt her since the day he informed her that he was staying in Wasaga, and that question was...why didn't he ask her to stay with him? He should know by now that if Sean needed to get away that badly, all he would have to do was ask her to stay with him and she would not so much as question or second guess it. She would stay in a heartbeat, because school means nothing to her unless Sean is there. For so long he was the one reason why she continued to go, knowing that she would be able to spend even more time with him, touching him, seeing him smile, holding him, kissing him...and now...now she has not stepped foot in Degrassi since he left.

A knock at the door startled Ellie, as she stood up from the couch, grabbing Buller from the ground she walked to the door. Last thing she wanted to do was open the door and have Bueller, her and Sean's baby ferret, and the one piece of Sean she had left, bolting for the door and leaving her just as easily as everyone else did. Buller was supposed to be the start of something wonderful for the two of them, a symbol that they would be together always. Almost as if he was a baby, and that is exactly how they treated him. While it took Sean some getting used to, he finally accepted the fact that Buller was adorable and fell in love with him as easily as Ellie had.

Approching the door, she slowly opened it, everytime she opens that door a little piece of her wishes it will be Sean on the other side. Even though she knows the chances of that happening are slim to none. Plastering on the fakest smile she can manage, she takes a deep breath as she smiles at the two standing in the doorway.

"Hey." Ashley Kerwin and Marco Del Rosi say, smiling at her.

While anyday Ellie would love to see her two best friends come over, today was not the day. She was just not in the mood for a pity party right now.

"How are you doing?" Ashley asked, her voice full of concern.

"I'm fine." Ellie lied. If she was good at anything, it was faking her emotions. She had done it so long with her mom that now she became a pro.

"You are not fine." Marco cut in. Yet again, Marco was always the one who could tell when she was lieing. He did know her better then anyone. He was there for her when she needed him and vice versa, they had grown close ever since Marco came out of the closet and he learned how to read her like a book.

"Look at this place, El. You need to get out of here. Live a little. Which is why we are here."Marco said to her, a huge smile on his face.

"The Squash has a gig. Some battle of the bands thing. We want you to come." Ashley said as she removed Buller from Ellie's arms and placed him in his cage. "Comeon." She said, taking a hold of Ellie's arm.

"Look guys, thanks but no thanks." Ellie said. As she removed her arm from Ashley's.

"Comeon El. You've been spending almost every waking minute sulking around here. You haven't even come to school. Everyone misses you. You need to come out." Marco insisted.

"Look I appriciate it but I don't want to go, ok?" Ellie said as she looked at them.

"That doesn't really matter because you're coming." Ashley said with a grin.

Looking from Ashley to Marco, Ellie felt a slight fear sink in. Oh god what are they going to do now? Looking at her two friends she watched in horror as Marco grabbed the keys from the table, then walked back over to her, grabbing ahold of one of her arms while Ashley tightly wrapped her arm around Ellie's waste, together the two of them pushed her out the door, slamming it behind them while they dragged Ellie to the car, pushing her inside.

Ellie tried to struggle, tried to remove herself from around her friend's arms but they were both too strong for her weak little arms. As Ellie finally gave in. Maybe going out will be good for her.

-------

Sean stood at the edge of the beach, the warm water washing over his bare feet. Stareing out at the calm waves. His mind immediatly travled back to the first time he stepped foot on this beach in four years. It was him, Jay, Emma and Ellie. The four of them and their one trip together, the one trip where Sean actually enjoyed being here for a few moments. All due to the fact that it was just him and Ellie. Sure, Jay and Emma were also present but they were not who Sean was happy to be with. Half of the time Sean wished they would vanish, along with the rest of the world and leave him all alone with Ellie.

A smile spread across his face as he remembered Ellie's cute little giggle while he buried her in the sand, her adorable coment about it being like a mud bath, the way she looked at him, the way she smiled, the way she smelled. Like a mixture of sand, fish and the sweetness he always thought of as her smell. She always smelled fresh, no matter what other scents mixed in, Ellie had a distinct scent that always made Sean's heart skip a beat whenever he smelled it.

Sean felt as tears began to come to his eyes, more like one stray tear as he reached his arm up and brushed the tear away. Shaking his head he swallowed the lump in his throat, realizing how much he misses Ellie, how much he loves her, and how awful he feels for knowing that he did the one thing to her he always promised never to do, he left her behind. They had made plans to go on with their lives together, her moving in with him was a sign of a future together, Sean had even had a dream about someday marrying her, and now all of that is gone. All because he made one stupid mistake and left her behind. All because he let his selfishness get the better of him, and now he may never have her again.

Sean felt as a hand was lightly placed on his shoulder, looking down he noticed it clearly looked to the hand that would belong to a girl. He looked up to lock eyes with a tall blond girl, who smiled at him. "What's a good looking guy like you doing standing all alone on a beach at night?" She asked him. Sean didn't respond as he lightly lifted her arm from his shoulder. He looked at her once more before turning his attention back to the crashing waves. "So not for the small talk, huh?" She asked him, clearly Sean now realized she was hitting on him. He turned to her, angry that anyone would just come up to him like this. "Not for any talk." He replied coldly as he turned and brushed past her, walking away leaving her to stand there, stareing after him.

--------

Ellie stood in the crowded club, looking up at the stage as Craig, Spinner, Marco and Ashley jammed along, playing their songs. She noticed how much better they sound since the carwash. She tried to force a smile on her face, pretend she was having a good time and at least attempt to make Marco and Ashley feel like their efforts were not meaingless and that she was having a good time. But the harder she tried, the more she wanted to leave and go back to the empty house she shared with Sean, cuddle up with Buller and fall asleep flooded by memories of the brief time she was happy.

"Ellie." The sound of her name made Ellie shake herself from her thoughts, looking around her eyes landed on the familer blond as she approched her, almost as if she was approching with caution. _igood idea_./I Ellie thought bitterly.

Plastering on a fake smile she nodded at Emma Nelson as she closed the gap between them.

"How have you been?" Emma asked her. "I haven't seen you around school."

"Fine." Ellie replied shortly.

"Have you heard from...Sean?" Emma asked.

"Have _you?_" Ellie answered.

She did not stand there long enough to give Emma a chance to respond, instead Ellie gave her one final glance before she turned and walked away. She could not stand the thought of talking about Sean with his ex girlfriend, the only person who could make Ellie's blood boil with just one glance her way. Ellie does not hate Emma, she just doesn't care for her self rightous act and it gets worse with each moment she is forced to spend with her.

Ellie slammed through the wooden door to the girls bathroom, walking in she looked around as she made sure there was no one else there, all the stalls seemed to be empty. She walked over to the sink, turning on the water she bent down as she splashed some water onto her face, trying to stop herself from crying. She leaned over the sink, taking several deep, even breaths. "Calm down." She whispered to herself as she looked up at her reflection in the mirror, thoughts of Sean made her bottom lip tremble as the tears continued to threaten to spill.

At that moment the sound of her cell phone ringing forced Ellie to turn away from the mirror, distracting her for just a few short seconds. As she reached into her black bag which hung loosely on her shoulder, she dug for her cellphone. Pulling it out she pressed the call button, placing it to her ear.

"Hello?" She said into the phone, trying to sound as calm as she could. She waited for the person on the other end of the line to respond, and when they said nothing Ellie began to feel something flutter inside of her. "Hello?" She said again, again, no response.

Pulling the phone away she looked at the number on the tiny screen, it was a number she did not recognize. The area code seemed unfamiliar, and then it hit her.

"S-Sean...I...Is that you?" She asked.

Instead of responding, denying or confirming who it was, they hung up.

Ellie pulled the phone away from her ear, staring at it as she felt the tears sting her eyes, this time she did not fight. She let the tears fall as she realized...it had to have been him.


	2. A Desprate Cry For Help

**A Desperate Cry For Help**

Ellie walked into the house, tossing the keys on the table by the door as she walked into the living room. Her mind was racing with so many thoughts. Why did he call? Why didn't he say anything? Why, why why? She knew there was no way to get the answers of which she so desperately wanted. But it was not going to change her from her numerous attempts and answering these questions herself. It was one thing when Sean told her he had to stay in Wasaga, it hurt but she did try her best to understand his position. He was in pain, agony even. He was letting the guilt he felt tear him apart and he could not handle everyone calling him a hero. While Ellie true believes that he is just that, just the simple fact that Sean wrestled with a armed gunman to get control of the weapon and prevent him from hurting another person...it is what made him the hero the world sees him as. But for him he is the exact opposit of this hero. Because when he fought with Rick for that gun it went off and Rick died. Ellie understands the pain he must feel but she just wishes he would understand the good in his actions. Something he can not seem to allow himself to do.

Ellie turned as she heard the sound of the phone ringing. Walking over to it she looked down, not sure weather or not she should answer. If she picked up that phone and whoever was on the other end did not speak, it would crush her. Because she would know who it was she would know it was Sean and he couldn't talk to her. Just that thought alone is enough to make Ellie want to cry.

As the phone continues to ring she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes as she picks up the phone, putting it up to her ear.

"He-Hello...?" She asked softly.

Again, nothing. But this time she heard something. Something more then breathing. It took her a minute before she recognized the noise, it was whimpering..crying...crying that was all too familiar to her.

"M-Mom?" She asked, hesititating as she prayed she was wrong, it cant be. It just can't be her.

"Ellie." The sound of her mothers crying made Ellie's heart pratically stop beating, she felt as the ice cold fear began to sink throughout her entire body, her mother would not call her crying unless something had gone really wrong. And right now all she could do was think the worst.

"Mom.." Ellie asked, a tear rolling down her cheek as she made her way to the couch, sitting down she prepared herself for the news she already knew was coming.

"Eleanore...Th-...They said he...he died..a hero." Her mother whimpered.

Ellie dropped the phone as her mother finished the sentence. She did not need to ask her what she was talking about or who. She knew she was talking about her father. All Ellie could do at this point was cry, hysterically cry.

-----------------/

Sean stared down at the phone, as he heard the dial tone, signaling that she had hung up on him. He has been calling her everyday now yet has not said a word, he's not stupid and neither is Ellie. He knows that she is fully aware that he is the one who keeps calling, and while she could easily just ignore the phone calls, hang up and move on...she refuses to do so, she continues to answer, and everyday they sit on the phone for a good five minutes, the thick tension filled silence between them almost bringing Sean closer to tears every time he hears her voice, everytime he hears her say his name, her voice full of such pain and despartation...Sean wants nothing more then to respond to her, and tell her he is coming home. Yet that is the one thing he can not do. Which is why he refuses to speak.

"Sean. Yo." Sean looked up as he saw Josh, his old friend from before he left, approching him. Sean and Josh used to be best friends. They would do just about everything together, Josh was more of a brother then Tracker was. He was the one who always had Sean's back, he was the one who pulled Sean off of Tyler that fateful day and he was the one who tried to convince Sean to run before the cops came. While the two friends have not spoken much in the four years that Sean lived in Degrassi, when he returned to town he was pleased at the fact that Josh was not going to turn his back on him and let the past ruin their once perfect friendship, when he saw Josh for the first time it was as if the past four years have never happened. They were friends again and they ignored what happened before.

"Hey man." Sean said as he cleared his throat, the lump that always rises in his throat when he hears her voice continues to rise even today.

"What are you doing out here?" Josh asked as he stepped up to where Sean was standing near the shore.

"Uh..just..making a call." Sean said as he held up the phone.

"It's really only considered making a call if you actually speak." Josh said, shooting him the same smirk he always does.

Sean understands Josh thinks that he is crazy, after all it is a little bit stupid to continue calling your girlfriend..or..ex-girlfriend or..whatever him and Ellie are..and not even speak. Especially knowing that you are only hurting her by doing so.

Yet no matter how hard he tries he can never form the words to express how truely sorry he is for hurting her. Because there are none.

-----------------/

Ellie lifted her head from the couch as the sound of knocking on the door woke her from her not so deep slumber. Looking around the now dark room, she prayed the past several hours were nothing short of a dream..no make that a nightmare. Yet when she raised her hand to rub her eyes she felt the sticky feel of the dried tears on her cheek, as she realized it was not a dream. It was real. Her father had died and left her all alone, just another person in her life to leave her all alone with nothing else but the vacant memory of who he once was.

"ELLIE!" The sound of Marco's persistent voice filled the air as Ellie dragged herself off the couch.

She took a deep breath as she quickly made sure her face did not look as red and puffy as it did just seconds ago. Running her fingers over her hair as to try and make it look a little bit neater then it did, she placed her hand on the doorknob. After taking one final deep breath she turned the knob slightly and opened it to reveal Marco standing on the other side, a look of confusion on his face.

"Why did you run off like that?" Marco asked as he pushed his way inside, without as much as waiting for an invite. That is Marco though.

"Yeah sorry about that I wasn't feeling too good." Ellie replied to him, trying to remain as calm as she could.

"He called you again didn't he?" Marco asked, turning to face her.

"I don't even know if it was him. It was probably just a wrong number." she know it was him. He's just too chicken to face up to how wrong he was for leaving you in the dust like that I don't even know why you give him the time of day anymore I mean-"

"Marco." Ellie cut in. "Leave it alone, ok?" She insisted.

Marco didn't speak as he nodded, knowing that she was serious.

"Look I'm really tired can I talk to you tomorrow?" She asked him.

"Are you sure? I can stay over if you want.." He replied.

"No really. I'm ok. I just want to go to sleep."

"Ok." Marco said as he looked at her. "But if you need anything..call me ok?" He asked.

"Yeah. I promise." Ellie said as she plastered a fake smile on her face while she led him to the door.

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow." Marco replied as he stepped outside.

Ellie closed the door behind him, as she leaned her back against the door she could feel as the tears began to fall again. This time she was not going to let herself cry, she already cried enough for one night.

She slid down the door until she came to a rest on the ground, her back pressed tightly up against the door as she closed her eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears away, yet one stray managed to find a trail down her cheek. She opened her eyes as she looked down at her arm, the sleeve to her shirt had been slightly rolled up and just enough for her to see the scars from the last time she had cut.

As she lifted her arm off the ground, her eyes rested on the scar, rolling her sleeve up even more as she lightly touched one, suddenly her mind was flooded with memories but one in particular. Her eyes began to well with even more tears as she remembered that day on the roof of the school, the look on Sean's face when she showed him the scars..the feel of his fingers touching each and everyone of them as he slowly moved his hand up her arm, to her wrist and took her hand in his. The way they locked eyes, his eyes were so warm and comforting, and the way he held her hand so tightly as if he was telling her without using words..that he was here for her. That he would ALWAYS be there for her..and then he left.

Ellie looked down at the scars, her head now clouded with thoughts, temptations...as she remembered the way it felt when the cold metal blade would slide across her flesh. The impact of the knife, how gently she held the handle and how easily the blade had cut her skin, almost as if she was cutting butter. The pain was slow and intense, yet at the same time it was a relief. It was the release she was looking for. When she would lift the sharp piece of metal from her skin and watch as the blood began to flow freely from the wound and down her arm it was as if she had been holding her breath for hours and when the wound opened..she could breath again. And it was the only thing that made sense to her.

Ellie pushed herself to her feet as she stormed into the kitchen. Looking around she frantically searched all the draws, searching for the sharp instrument that once caused her to feel that freedom she so desperately yearned for at this moment. As she opened every drawer, she could not find it. Realizing Sean must have disposed of it. Finally she pulled open the drawer with all the silverware...her eyes rested on the sharp stake knife that sat alone in the far corner of the drawer. It was separate from the rest of the utensils as if it had crawled over to the vacant corner and waited patiently for her to come along and find it again, as if it had been waiting for her all along knowing some day she could come crawling back for that slight pain.

Ellie picked up the knife as she examined the sharp blade. Looking down the knife was so clean that she found herself getting lost in her reflection that bounced off the blade. With her hand that was holding the knife, Ellie wiped her tears on her arm, as she took another deep breath. Swallowing the lump in her throat. The fear began to creep into her stomach, as she got that same sick feeling she used to get every time at just the sight of a blade. It was the feeling you get when you are seasick or carsick. As if you have the urge to throw up and yet you can't, even if you tried you would not be able too. For some it was an uncomfortable feeling, but for Ellie it was almost as comforting as her mothers arms wrapped around her. It was a feeling she both wanted and was disgusted at, at the same time.

"Don't think. Just do." She found herself whimpering as she placed the blade to her skin. The feel of the cold, sharp metal made her shiver as she wrapped her hand tightly around the wooden handle. Staring at the blade, Ellie slowly found herself dragging it across the skin, with every inch it moved she could feel the warm sticky liquid seep onto her arm. Finally after making a scar no bigger then the size of your average toothpick, Ellie dropped the knife to the ground, it fell to the ground just inches from her foot, yet that was not her main concern. Ellie found herself sobbing hysterically now as she walked over to the sink and watched as the thick stream of blood turned into an ocean as it hit the sink, causing the beautifully white plate to turn a crimson shade of red. She stood over the sink, her stomach growling and her heart beating as she watched the blood drip onto the plate.

Ellie collapsed on the ground, grabbing her legs as she pushed them up against her chest, wrapping her arms around them tightly as she buried her head in her legs...and cried.


	3. Haunted By A Whisper

**Haunted By A Whisper**

Ellie sat at the edge of her bed, her sleeve rolled up as her eyes remained fixed on the fresh scar. She had not slept even for a moment last night, the familer pain from the blade being dragged across her skin and the warm sensation of blood dripping down her arm had caused her to stay up all night, laying in bed as she stared blankly at the ceiling. Her mind off in some distant plane.

She had spent the past several hours trying her best to avoid looking at her arm, afraid of what she might see If she did so. Nearly an hour ago she had finally worked up the energy to attempt to get out of bed, but was only able to swing her legs over the side of the small wooden bed. When she tried to stand up she could feel the tenderness on her arm and was forced to look down. The instant her eyes caught sight of the fresh cut..she was frozen.

Ellie felt like she had been hypnotized, she felt as if the fresh scar was haunting her, mocking her. Almost as if it was screaming "YOU CRACKED!" and laughing hysterically. Ellie could feel as the tears began to well in her eyes as her mind began to fill with reminders. Reminders of the reason why she started cutting in the first place all that time ago, and reminders of why she began cutting again last night. The reminder of being abandoned. Being reminded of the last person she ever felt would leave her, and he did. Sure, it was not by choice but he still left her. Just like everyone else.

Ellie always felt as though the first person to really leave her, was Marco. Sure he had not physically left her, but he was not the same person he used to be. Ellie had fallen for Marco, she had fallen for the guy she thought she knew, on the day he came out to her...her world had come crashing down. She thought she could have loved him, liked him a lot at least. She had convinced herself that everything between them would be fine, and that maybe he was still confused, but on that day when he came out and said he was gay..a part of him was no longer hers. The one part of him that she wanted more then anything was now the one part she would never get. His heart, his soul...all of that will now belong to Dylan, or whoever he ends up with in the future.

After she lost Marco, she lost her mother. Of course she has lost her mother over and over time and time again. There is no counting how many time she has lost her. Basically everytime she cracked open the first bottle of booze for the night, everytime she took her first sip, everytime she told her she would stop, and everytime she would pass out drunk on the couch. Ellie had tried to talk to her once, but it had gotten her nowehere. Until the final time, the time when she showed her what her drinking was doing and showed her the scars. In that moment, that evening she insisted she would get help...but she had to go away. Just like everyone else. Leaving Ellie alone with Sean..

...Sean. Her first real boyfriend and the first person to not only understand what she was going through, but have gone through it as well. He too was abandoned by his parents at a young age, but it was worse for him. Because they chose to ditch him, they chose to send him off with his brother and send him away from that life and from them. Then Sean chose to stay away and stay here with her. Stay together, and then he too left her just like everyone else in her life.

Ellie turned around as she looked at the clock that sat on top of the dresser beside the bed. It is about lunchtime at school now, and Ellie realized there was no food in the house. Since Sean left she has had Ashley and Marco bring her food but she can't depend on them for long, she can't depend on anyone anymore, which is why she knows she has to get a job.

Ellie climbed off the bed as she looked down at the clothes she was wearing. She had not changed since last night, she was in the same clothes she wore all day. A black t-shirt and black skirt, nothing special. She grabbed her backpack off the ground by the door, snatching her keys as well as she headed for the door. She could no longer sit here in silence, allow for her thoughts to chase her wherever she may go. No...she needed to get out. She needed to go to school.

---------------

Sean sat on the front steps of the small house he shared with his parents. Events of the last few months continued to haunt him, he replayed what happened at school that fateful day over and over again in his head, everytime searching for something, some sign that it was all a figmient of his imagination, some sign to show that he made it all up in his head. That it never really happened.

Sean stared blankly at the broken down car in front of him. The car had been taken apart, the hood was lifted, the tires were removed, doors were even taken off. As he stared at it, all Sean could do was look at it as if it was a person, as if it was Rick. It had been mangled, distorted, messed with so badly that eventually it was torn apart. Ripped to shreds and left with nothing but the shell, just like Rick. The only difference between the two is a car can not become self destructive, a car can not pull a gun on innocent people and pull the trigger, a car can not become a murder.

Maybe that wasn't a difference afterall, because Rick was not the murderer, HE was. SEAN was the one who fought for control of the gun and he was the one who's finger slipped and wrapped around the tiny piece of metal that was the trigger, and he was the one that felt as the gun was pushed up against Rick's stomach and felt the massive impact as it went off, as he pulled it himself. His hands drenched in the warm sticky liquid.

Ever since that day he had been replaying the last exchange of words he spoke with Rick before he took the young teenagers life...trying to make some sense in it..trying to understand...

_Rick's broken spirit was obvious in the way he spoke, the way his voice cracked with each word he uttered, the way he clutched on to his black backpack as if it was his one remaining string keeping him in sanity, keeping him calm and stopping him from slipping over the edge. _

_As he took another step forward, his voice slightly cracking as he had his eyes fixated on Emma._

"_Flirted with me. I thought you liked me but...that was something else." Rick said as if he was giving up, his voice so full of pain that it was almost defaning._

_Sean looked beside him at Emma, who was frozen in fear as she kept her eyes locked on Rick, she was as still as a statue. She had allowed for the fear to take control of her and she could no longer form any words. Her eyes were too busy staring at the gun he held limply at his side. Sean knew that he had to do something, he knew that if he did not then there is no telling what Rick was capable of. He already put Terri in the hospital..who's to say he won't attempt murder next?_

"_Just...put..the gun down...ok? Anything else is just gonna make your life worse." Sean said as he took a slight step in front of Emma, as if he was going to protect her, if the bullet went into him it would not hurt anyone else. _

_Sean's heart began to beat wildly as if he was going to burst through his chest and spill on the ground before them. His hands were shaking as he tried to remain calm, he has seen this in the movies before. Talk calmly, rationally, try to convince the shooter that everything will be ok. It has to be clear in the way you talk to him or there is no telling what could happen next..but Rick..Rick was not a character in a movie and neither was Sean. This was real, this is real life. This is happening now, before his eyes. If he doesn't do something about it then there is no telling how many lives could be lost._

"_It can't get any worse." Rick spoke, his eyes were locked on Emma, it was as if he did not see Sean in that moment, all he could see was Emma, and all he could do was feel his own pain. Nothing else. NO one else._

_Sean swallowed hard as he took another step in front of Emma._

"_Believe me...it can.." He said, this time he knew it would not turn out as it did in the movies. He could feel the pain growing deeper, Rick's eyes were so cold and empty it was as if someone had sucked all the humanity out of him, and left him with nothing but vengence. _

"_I...I know.." Sean took several other steps towards Rick. A part of him had wished Rick would just back off, back away and run for the door. But he knew better, he knew this was not going to happen. _

"_We'll figure it all out...ok? Jus-Jus-"he looked down at the gun at Rick's side. Sean's words caught in his throat as he saw the shiny black weapon. From the distance he stood before, he had thought it was a toy. Of course he knew it was real but Sean has never seen a real gun before in his life and being so close was something he had never wanted. Rick's hand was wrapped so tightly around the gun that his hand was turning red. _

"_...Figure this all out..." Sean finally managed to mutter as he continued to stare down at the gun._

_Rick let out a slight chuckle, it was not a humerous chuckle but it was a pained one. _

"_It's too late." He replied._

"_NO." Sean said, now his voice was full with desperation and fear. _

_Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Rick lifted the gun and pointed it over Sean's shoulder, directly at Emma. His hand was shaking as he stared at her, and for a second Sean could have sworn he saw a glimmer of humanity in him, a slight tear welling in one of his eyes. He was not sure, however and did not think it would matter. Rick had the gun pointed at Emma and it is really happening,_

"_I already shot someone." Rick said._

_Sean remembered the reason why he had turned that corner a mere five minutes ago. He had heard the gun shot from where he stood at his locker in the next hallway. Now it is all too real because if Rick could shoot someone already, whats to stop him from shooting Emma right now?_

_Sean looked beside him at the gun, as he finally heard Emma let a slight whimper escape her lips. Sean saw how close the gun was, he could feel the bile rising in his throat, his stomach was turning, his heart was beating, his mind was racing. He has to do it and he has to do it NOW._

_Sean could no longer control his thoughts or his actions, as he reached up wrapped his hand around the gun, Rick backed up as Sean grabbed him with his free hand and pushed his chest up against the crazed student, Sean wrapped his free arm around Rick's back and pulled him closer to him as Rick tried to wrestle with him for control of the gun. As Sean continued to fight for the gun he could feel as Rick's sweat dripped onto his face, he could smell his breath and hear him breathing, this was all happening too fast, it didn't make sense. This was not supposed to happen._

"_STOP!!!" Toby's shrieking scream only made Sean fight harder._

_As Sean and Rick continued to struggle for control, Sean felt a jolt, he felt as Rick's entire body shook as if he was having a seizer. Sean's hand was covered in the warm sticky liquid, and time stood still as the two teenagers hit the ground with a sickening thud. _

_Sean looked to his side, and nearly threw up as he saw the motionless body beside him. _No...No...it...he can't be..._ Sean stared in shock, not wanting to believe what he saw, it can't be real._

Sean shook his head, trying to fight off the images, the flashback, he could no longer continue to do this. Stop thinking about it, stop allowing for the past to haunt him. It makes no sense. This whole thing should never have happened but it did, and because of him a person is dead. And there's nothing anyone can do to change that.

Sean stood from the step as he turned around and with a massive force he swung open the door to the house, the screen door slammed against the wall with a thud so loud that Sean was positive he had broken it. Oh well, it is just a door.

Sean walked into the kitchen, thankful that neither of his parents were around. If they were they would have stopped him from what he was about to do, but there is no other choice. He needs the warm sensation to fill his body and seep into his stomach, warming him up. Calm him down.

Sean walked over to the sink, bending down he pulled open the cabinet and pulled out the large bottle of vodka, standing up he popped open the bottle and took a long sip. Sean nearly chocked as the liqour quickly went down his throat, leaning over the sink he shook his head as to adjust himself to the bitterness of the drink.

Sean stared out the window as he looked out in the backyard, wishing he had not left, realizing he may have made a mistake in coming here. All he needed was Ellie and he left her, now there is no way he can ever go back.

---------------

From the moment Ellie stepped foot in the hallway, she could feel their eyes on her. Every room she passed, every person she walked by, her word whispered, every stare...they all knew. They all knew and they were all talking about it, all talking about her. Whispering.

"Ellie!"

Ellie turned around as she heard her name being yelled, she nodded as she saw a surprised Marco walking over to her.

"Hey..wh..what are you doing here?" Marco asked as he approched her.

"I need an education." Ellie replied.

"Shouldn't you be at home? Sitting on the couch watching Oprah eating bon-bons?" Marco asked, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

"Isn't that what you should be doing?" Ellie said, as she attempted to plaster a smile on her face. No matter how hard she tried she knew it only came out looking fake.

"I'm serious. Let me take you home." Marco insisted.

"I'm fine. Ok? I couldn't sit around there alone anymore. I needed to get out. What did I miss in English?" She asked.

"El-"

"I'M FINE!" She snapped at him.

Ellie sighed as she walked over to the lockers, leaning against them as she looked at Marco.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She hated knowing that she snapped at him, all he was doing was trying to help and she couldn't handle it.

"Romeo and Juliet." Marco said as he leaned against the locker beside her.

When Ellie looked at him, clearly she had a look of confusion on her face.

"Its what you missed in class. We started it last week."

"Great. Just what I need. A tragic love story about two people who kill themselves because they can't be together." Ellie mumbled, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I know, It's so overdone-Ok why is Heather Sinclaire headed this way?" Marco asked.

Ellie followed his eyes and found herself just as shocked as Marco, why is Heather headed this way? In all the years she has attended this school, Ellie can not ever remember one exchange of words from the blond girl.

"Hey. Uh..Ellie right? I heard about your father and-"

Ellie shook her head at Heather as she pushed herself away from the locker.

"I have...to go." Ellie said as she pushed past Heather.

Walking down the hall, Ellie tried her best to walk as fast as possible, she avoided the gaze and whispers of those she paased as she made her way to the janitors closet.

The second she reached the closet she swung open the door and rushed inside, slamming it closed behind her, she leaned against it. As she slid to the floor. She ran her fingers through her red hair, which now seemed to be damp with sweat, trying her best to stop the tears from flowing.

The sound of her cellphone ringing was just what she needed, as she dug into her pocket and pulled out her cellphone.

The instant she looked down she recognized the number...It was him..SEAN. Without hesititation, Ellie pressed the green button as she lifted the phone to her ear.

"Ellie..." He finally spoke, for the first time in what seemed like months..he finally spoke.


	4. Trapped Inside A Nightmare

**Trapped Inside A Nightmare**

"Ellie..."

The sound of Sean's familer voice nearly made Ellie's entire body quiver as she fought back the tears, yet again. She was unsure if they were tears of joy of finally hearing him speak, hearing him say her name, or if they were tears of betrayal and hate. No, not hate. She could never hate Sean. No matter what happens she could never and will never hate him, she loves him. You can not hate the one you love, can you?

"Ellie.." he repeated, his voice full of the same desperation hers has been full of every single time he called and never spoke, every time he left her sitting in silence, every time she sat there wondering why he called if he was not going to speak to her.

"Ellie please..just talk to me." He insisted.

Her mind began to race. _Talk to me? _What is he expecting her to say? Hi, how you doing? See any good movies lately? He left. He's gone, he's not around anymore. There is no way she can talk to him, not now.

"Ellie I just want to talk.."

It's kind of funny, after these past several weeks of praying one of his phone calls will be the one of which he was ready to speak to her, and when it finally happens..she can't talk. She has nothing she wants to say to him, nothing good and no words are forming...

"Stop calling me." Ellie insists as she hangs up the phone.

Nearly seconds later the phone begins to ring again, looking down she sees it is yet again Sean.

Tears sting her eyes as she pulls herself to her feet, staring at the phone, Ellie runs her fingers through her thick red hair, trying not to cry but the harder she tries the more tears continue to well in her eyes.

"Stop it." She whimpers as she slams the phone hard across the room, it smashes into the wall on the far end of the closet and shatters, making a loud cracking noise as the tiny pieces hit the ground, the ringing stops.

As if right on cue, the door to the closet opens, as Ellie turns around prepared to see Raditch or the janitor standing there with his arms crossed ready to hand her a detention slip..she is slightly surprised to see Paige Michalchuk to be the one standing there.

"Ellie..." Paige says as her eyes wander across the closet and rest on the numerous pieces of the phone which now lay scattered on the ground.

Ellie follows Paige's gaze, as she looks at the pieces of the broken phone.

"Uh..it...fell.." Ellie explains.

"I heard...about..your father. I wanted to see if.." Paige sighs as she looks at Ellie. "Are you ok?" She asked her.

"Yeah. Fine. Couldn't be better." Ellie lies to her.

"I don't know what its like to lose a parent, but I can imagine. You shouldn't even be here." Paige says to her.

"But I am." Ellie is already getting sick of everyone suddenly caring about her, everyone suddenly acting like they know her and understand what she is going through.

"If you're so fine and ready to be here..what happened to your phone?" Paige asked softly.

"I already told you. I dropped it." Ellie insisted.

"Dropping a phone doesn't make it shatter. Ellie I heard you throw it. These walls are not soundproof you know." Paige responds.

"Why do you suddenly care, anyways?" Ellie asks, trying to make it clear to Paige that she has no right to be here.

"Because I remember what happened the last time you had family issues." Paige said, making it clear in her voice that she is not going to back down.

"You think I'm going to cut again?" Ellie asked her, clenching her hands into fists at her side.

"Yeah well its not that hard to believe." Paige responded.

Ellie bent down as she picked up her backpack, glancing down at the shattered pieces of the phone that laid on the ground.

"I'm out of here." Ellie said as she pushed past Paige, brushing her shoulder against Paige's she felt the tears coming to her eyes.

---------------------

Sean pulled the phone away from his ear, as Ellie finished her sentence and the line went dead. What made him actually think she would ever want to speak to him again, anyways? He did something he never should have done, he left her. It took him weeks or months..Sean has lost track of time but all he knows is it has been far too long since he had the guts to actually call her and speak to her. The first time he actually wants to talk to her, is the first time the sound of her voice made him want to cry. The way she spoke to him, so angry and cold, clearly still upset at him for leaving her like that. Sean didn't know what to do now, he can't go back to Toronto, and he can't stay with his parents. Just being here reminds him of all the time when he wanted out, and now here he is back here and he can't stand it.

Alberta. That's exactly what he needs, he needs to go to Alberta and be with Tracker. At least he knows his brother wants him there, at least he knows his brother won't care what he does or where he goes and he won't be forced to pretend to be happy. Sean knows his parents can see right through him and he knows that they know he no longer belongs here.

Sean picked up the phone as he quickly dialed Tracker's number, he has it memorized by heart but has yet to speak to him since he left him in Toronto. He figured that Tracker would be a complete ass about the fact that he was calling him because of what he said on the day he left.

After several rings Sean was about to hang up when he finally hear his brothers familer voice.

"Hello?" Tracker asked into the phone, his voice was soft as if he had just woken up.

"Tracker." Sean said

"Sean? Hey whats up bro?" Tracker asked, actually sounding happy to hear his voice.

"I know this is last minute but..I can't stay here anymore.." Sean said, he actually was worried that Tracker wouldn't want him anymore.

"Rent too much for you?" Tracker asked with a chuckle.

Sean realized that Tracker really does think he is still in Toronto. "No man..I'm in Wasaga. Been here a while now." Sean said.

"With mom and dad? Why would you go there?"

"It's a long story. But..I can't be here anymore." Sean continued

"So you need a place to crash and you called me." Tracker said, clearly he seemed bothered by this.

"You know forget it. I never should have called. I'll talk to you later." Sean said as he was prepared to hang up the phone. Last thing he needs is to hear his older brother reject him just like Ellie did.

"Sean. Stop. Of course you can come here." Tracker replied.

Sean let out a sigh of relief as he heard the news he had been waiting to hear.

"Really?" Sean asked.

"Yeah man. We're brothers you're always welcome here." Tracker said.

"I'll be there tomorrow." Sean said as he hung up the phone.

For the first time in what seems like ages, Sean actually felt himself smiling. He is finally free of this hell he once called a home, finally free of those haunting stares from the people who he once considered his parents, free of the guilt of what happened to Tyler, and most importantly he was free of that taunting image of Ellie driving away from his house.

But he will never be free of the thought of being the one to hurt her so much.

-------------

Ellie rummaged around in her pocket, searching desprartly for her keys as she stood outside the door to the house. Tears streaming down her face as she tried her best to remain calm. Finally she found the keys as she quickly unlocked the door, the second she was inside the house she slammed the door shut and tossed her bag on the ground at her feet.

It took a good two minutes but Ellie finally pushed herself away from the door, her heart beating so fast she felt as though it was about to break through her chest and splatter on the floor, causing her to be drenched in even more blood then usual.

Ellie ran into the kitchen, she looked down in the sink, her eyes resting on the knife from the other night. The sink still had drops of blood spalltered around the drain, and the knife was now still covered in the red liquid. She picked up the knife as she studied every detail of it, the blood was dried but yet she could still smell the awful stale stench. Her stomach growled as she continued to stare at it, something about it was hypnotizing her. She could not pull her eyes away from it, it was as if her eyes were locked to it, and she was afraid to look away.

Ellie finally forced herself to drop the knife on the counter top. Looking down at her black sleeve she rolled up her arm to reveal the same deep scar from the other night. Normally the thought of deepening a scar was the one thing she would never do. She always preferred to cut in a fresh place every time, afraid of what would happen if she deepened a scar. Of course she always wondered what would happen. Would it be harder to stop the bleeding, or would it feel ten times better seeing as how the scar was not fully healed and still slightly tender.

Ellie picked up the knife, as she stared down at the same scar, the knife hovered above. Ellie could feel even more tears trickling down her face, cutting through the dark makeup she had applied earlier in the morning. She swallowed another sob as it rised in her throat, she could feel her stomach growling more, the stench of the dried blood made her want to throw up. Of course she swallowed all of that emotion inside of her, she has to do this.

Ellie closed her eyes as she lowered the blade to the fresh scar, the cold blade touching her skin gave her goose bumps, her heart pounding even harder, her head began to hurt. "Come-on" she whispered silently to herself, trying to urge herself to continue on with it. Something felt different this time. She always felt slightly afraid every time she cut, but today there was something else, something different. Today she felt as if this was going to hurt a lot worse then it has in the past.

With her shaky hand Ellie slowly dragged the blade across the scar, the second she felt the blood dripping from her arm she dropped the knife, realizing this was a mistake. Ellie looked down at her bleeding arm, the blood was flowing freely now, but it was not like it was before. In the past the blood would slowly trickle down her arm but today it was flowing as if it were a river going through the mountains. This time the blood was flowing too fast. Ellie wrapped her hand around the scar as she felt more tears falling down her face, she searched around the kitchen as she grabbed the roll of paper towels.

She wrapped a paper towel around the cut, but within a matter of seconds it was drenched in blood. She continued to grab more and more towels from the roll as she tried to stop the constant bleeding. With what little energy she had Ellie made her way to the living room and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch. She pushed the blanket to her arm as she tried to stop the bleeding, but before she knew it the blanket was sticky and soaked. It was dark so she could not see the blood., but she could feel as it continued to flow quickly from her arm.

Ellie reached for the phone that rested on the couch, but as she tried to to grab it she felt herself grow lightheaded and collapsed on the ground. With each drop of blood that fell from her arm she felt herself growing weaker by the minute, she tried to stand up again and grab the phone, but the second she was standing, her legs gave way and she collapsed into a pile on the ground.

"H-H-Help..." she tried to scream but it came out only as a whisper.

Ellie finally gave up as she laid back down, closing her eyes she waited for it to happen. She waited for the second when it would all stop.

It was actually a feeling she now found herself welcoming. The feeling of freedom. The feeling of no longer missing her father, no longer feeling alone in this world. The feeling of longer loving Sean. It was the one thing she wanted more then anything, and now that she knew it was coming, it was the one thing she feared.


	5. The Unexpected Visitor

**The Unexpected Visitor**

Emma Nelson stood outside the door of the house Sean once lived in with his brother. It has been ages since she has been here, years actually. The last time she was here had to have been about two days before her and Sean had broken up, and since then the thought of ever considering coming within miles of this small house had never occured to her. She never even wanted to allow for the thought of coming near this house to cross her mind.

Yet surely enough, here she is. Standing on the doorstep of Sean...well now it is safe to call it Ellie's house since she now lives here. Emma still finds herself confused as to how quickly the relationship between Sean and Ellie had developed. It took almost two years for Emma to ever really feel like she was totally comfortable with Sean, and when she lost him she actually felt like she had been missing a piece of her. Sean was always difficult for Emma to understand, he had something dark buried deep inside of him, something that he would never allow for Emma to see. It would be a lie for Emma to say that she never even thought about pushing Sean harder to open up to her, but she now knows that he just was not ready to open up to her.

As if out of nowhere, after ONE Saturday detention, Emma was shocked to see Sean standing at his locker, holding Ellie's hand and gazing into her eyes in the way Emma once wished he would gaze into her own. Word spread around school quickly, everyone was talking about how out of the blue the whole thing had happened, but Emma knew better. She may not have ever taken the time to get to know Ellie, but she knew Sean, and she knew the rumors about Ellie. They both have so much in common, they both have tortured parents who inflict their pain onto their children, they both have this huge burden. The weight of the world on their shoulders, or at least that is how they act.

Emma took a deep breath as she raised her hand, preparing herself to knock on the door. She lowered her hand as she tried to remain calm. She still never fully knows why the hell she is here. Afterall, techincally most people assume that herself and Ellie are enemies, seeing as how Ellie is dating her ex boyfriend.

Emma turns around, as she walks off the front step she walks back to the driveway, but as she was walking away events of what happened earlier in the day flashed before her mind. Ellie running to the janitors closet, slamming the door closed, the sound of a phone shattering. Paige opening the door, Ellie yelling at her and running out of the school as if Paige had just insulted her in the worse way imaginable.

Emma just sensed something, she felt as if Ellie needed someone to talk too, and since both girls feel as though Sean had abanonded each other, it would only make sense that Emma be the one to at least try to comfort her.

She turned back to the house, looking up at it. The house that was once so familer to her, now seemed as if it was a house she had never seen before, her first time here. It probably has to do with the fact that she knows it is no longer Sean's house, that now she knows it belongs to Ellie.

Emma walked back up the steps, closing her eyes as she raised her hand, preparing herself to knock. As she took a deep breath she finally knocked lightly on the door. No answer. She listened closely for any indication that there was someone inside, as she waited another moment she knocked again.

No sound.

Emma sighed deeply, actually relieved that no one had answered the door. As she was about to turn and walk away she paused as she noticed that the door was actually open slightly. Letting her curiosity take control of her, as per usual, Emma slightly pushed the door open. She stuck her head inside as she looked around the seemingly empty room. "Ellie?" Emma called. Again, no answer.

Stepping further inside, she looked around the room again, something seemed off. Something was different about the room, maybe it was the smell or maybe it had to do with the sound of the phone off the hook. The operator's recorded voice getting louder each second. Emma stepped all the way in now, closing the door behind her. "Ellie?" She called again.

Emma's jaw dropped at the sight she saw before her. Her heart pratically stopped as she rushed for the couch, falling to the ground beside the motionless body of the red-headed girl. "Ellie?!" Emma called as she pushed hard on Ellie, trying to wake her up. "Ellie? Comeon wake up!" Emma called, she searched around the girl, finally spotting the puddle of blood that rested under her arm. She lifted her arm up, as she saw the long cut and the river of blood that continued to flow down her arm. Whatever she had done, it was bad.

"Oh god...Oh god oh god.." Emma whimpered as she brushed the tears from her eyes. "P- Phone...I-I need a phone.." Emma scanned the room frantically. She finally spotted the phone which Ellie had clearly knocked off the table.

Emma crawled across the floor as she grabbed the phone. She grabbed the reciver and the base of the phone, as she slammed the phone down on the base trying to make the stupid computer operator to shut up. Finally she got a dial tone, as she quickly dialed the three digit number.

"Thank you for calling 411, what city and state please?" The voice on the other end of the phone answered.

"Dammit." Emma mumbled as she realized she accidently pressed 411 instead of 911.

Hanging up the phone again she waited for the dial tone.

"911 Emergency, how can I help you?" The gentle womens voice answered.

"Help! Please! My friend sh-she's hurt. There...There...blood...so..much blood." Emma cried hysterically into the phone.

"Ok I'm going to need you to calm down and try and tell me what happened, please." The women responded, her voice was calm and gentle. As if she was talking to a five year old child who had stubbed their toe.

"PLEASE! Send someone now! She's hurting!" Emma cried.

"Calm down ok, Just tell me where you are." Emma could feel her nevres grating as the women continued to speak to her as if nothing was going wrong.

After taking several deep breaths and trying to calm herself down, Emma finally managed to choke out the address.

"Ok, I have a ambulance on its way. But I am going to need you to stay on the line with me and tell me exactly what happened." The women said.

"I don't know what happened! Ok?! I just came in and she was laying on the floor...and the blood..she's bleeding so much!" Emma cried.

"Ok, you need to find a way to stop the bleeding." The women said.

"How? There's too much!" Emma screamed.

"Find something to wrap around it and apply as much pressure as you can. Make sure its clean and make sure it's dry. The ambulance should be there any minute now. They are only a few blocks away. You just need to slow the bleeding." She continued.

"Apply pressure.." Emma whispered as she dropped the phone on the ground, jumping to her feet she looked around.

The many times she had been in this house, she never had a reason to look for a towel. She ran down the hallway towards the bathroom, spotting a closet right next to the bathroom she swung the door open and was pleased to see the numerous towels folded so neatly inside. She grabbed one of the small towels and ran back to the living room, falling down beside Ellie again she grabbed her bleeding arm and wrapped the towel around it. Grabbing the phone with her one free hand as she placed it to her ear again.

"How far away are they? Please! Tell them to hurry!" Emma cried, she has never felt so afraid in her life, and now knowing that she has another persons life in her hands is only making her that much afraid.

"They're on the street." The women said.

Emma dropped the phone as she heard the familer sound of the ambulance siren in the distance, growing closer and closer with each second. She felt herself finally relaxing as she heard the sound of the siren right out front.

Emma jumped to her feet as she heard the medics banging on the door. She ran for the door as she swung it open with such force she was sure she could have pulled it off the hinges if she really wanted too.

The paramedics pushed past her as they spotted Ellie on the ground. The three men sat down beside her, each holding some big doctors box or..some orange thing Emma's eyes were too blurry with tears for her to really make out much of anything other then shapes and colors.

"What happened?" One of the men asked as he looked up at her.

"I-I don't know. I..I just opened the door and saw her..like that..I.." Emma chocked back another sob.

She stood idly by as she listened to the medics continue on with their doctor mumble jumble. She never understood how they could use all of those terms and not be confused. It must have something to do with the eight years of schooling.

"Excuse me." Two of the medics mumbled as they pushed past her and ran out the door.

Seconds later they emerged with a stretcher, bring it over to where Ellie rested on the ground, the three of them as a team lifted her motionless body onto the stretcher as they made sure she was actually strapped down, not wanting her to fall off.

Emma stepped aside as she watched them rush Ellie back out the door and to the ambulance. She brushed even more tears away as they raised her into the truck. She noticed that there was another medic who was in the drivers seat, he must have just been too lazy to get out and actually help someone.

"Miss." The sound of one of the medic's voices almost startled Emma. She did not realize until then that she was actually lost in her own world of fear.

"Wh-What?" Emma stuttered.

"Are you coming or what?" He asked.

"Coming?" Emma was unsure if she should climb in with them, the thought never really occured to her. But seeing as how she is the only one around, and if she were in a similar situation she would want someone, it wouldn't matter who just SOMEONE to come with her.

"Yeah." Emma said finally as she climbed into the back of the truck.

As soon as she was in, the final paramedic climbed in behind her and slammed the door.

Emma looked down at Ellie's still form. The color had drained from her face and her chest was barely rising, every few seconds Emma was almost posititve that she was not breathing at all. The paramedics continued to do something to Ellie, what they were doing, Emma was unsure but whatever it was, all she could do was hope it was saving her life.

Never in a million years would Emma Nelson find herself sitting in the back of a ambulance praying for someone to save the life of Ellie Nash. It is funny how life works out sometimes.

Emma brushed away the tears that were rolling down her cheek, everything around her was blurry, and all she could hear was the soft voices of the paramedics, listening closly trying to make out at least one word she recognized that would assure her that Ellie was going to make it.

The one word, she has yet to hear.


	6. The Burning Of Confusion

**The Burning Of Confusion**

Marco stormed through the sliding doors of the Emergency Room, Ashley and Paige trailing closely behind him. He rushed over to the nurses station, as his eyes searched frantically for any sign of Emma or anyone who would be here with Ellie. He looked at the nurse in front of him, as she sat on the phone, holding up her hand to signal she will be with him in just a moment.

"Marco!"

Marco turned behind him to Ashley and Paige. "What?" He asked them.

"Uh..we didn't say anything. She did." Ashley said as she signaled over his shoulder.

Marco turned around as he saw Emma walking towards them. He pushed himself away from the nurses desk as he rushed towards her, stopping short a few inches within colliding with her. "I got your message. Where is she?" He asked quickly.

"She's in room 215. But they won't let anyone in. They're still trying to stop the bleeding." Emma replied.

"Bleeding?" Paige asked as she stepped up beside Marco, Ashley stepping up on the other side of him.

"Yeah. She cut a vein.." Emma said, as she lifted her hand and brushed at her tear stained face.

"I knew it." Paige mumbled under her breath as she sighed deeply.

"Has she woken up? Can they stop the bleeding? Is she going to be ok? WHAT DID THEY TELL YOU!?" Marco demanded.

"Nothing, Ok? They haven't told me anything. They've been in there doing whatever it is they're doing for the past hour." Emma said.

Marco looked over Emma's shoulder as he walked around her and down the hallway she had motioned too just moments ago. As he walked down the hall he stopped at room 215, the shades were down and all he could here was the muffled sound of the doctors talking. He pushed his ear up against the door as he tried to make out what they were saying, but even if he could hear them there is really no way he would be able to understand a word they were saying.

"The doctor said someone needs to contact her parent-her mother." Emma said.

"No." Marco said as he pushed himself away from the door and walked back over to the three girls.

"You can't tell her mom." He insisted.

"Why not? She has a right to know." Emma said.

"Marco's right. Her mom would just make things worse then they already are." Ashley said as she pulled her cellphone out of her pocket.

"Who are you calling, then?" Paige asked as she looked to Ashley.

"My moms been like a mom to Ellie as it is, I'll just call her." Ashley said.

"I can't just stand around here and do nothing." Marco said as he looked down at his watch, realizing he just skipped out on a day of school. Of course that was not important right now.

"I'm going to go down to the café to get some coffee. You guys need anything?" He asked them.

The three girls shook their heads as Marco nodded, turning around he walked down the hallway and around the corner, headed for the elevator to the cafeteria.

"Uh..I have no service in here so..I'm going to go outside. I'll be back." Ashley said as she turned and headed for the door.

Emma looked beside her at Paige, feeling a sudden wave of discomfort washing over them. The two girls had hardly spoken since the Rick incident. Paige had pratically warned her, she had told her that Rick was a psycho but Emma just didn't consider the fact that if he can put Terri in a coma, then there really is nothing he can't do. She knew she should have backed off and let Jay and Alex beat Rick up, maybe then she wouldn't have attempted to befriend Rick, and he would never have even been on the game show and then none of this would be happening. Sean would still be in town and Ellie wouldn't be where she is now.

"I knew it." Paige whispered softly as she walked over to a row of chairs, sitting down.

Emma followed her as she sat down beside her, not sure what to say next as she tried to make sure she chose her words carefully.

"How could someone do that to themselves.." Emma asked, more to herself then to Paige.

"She was hurt. She wanted to find another way to deal..makes sense I guess." Paige replied as she looked beside her at Emma.

"Yeah but..cutting...bleeding...she must have felt..so.."

"...Alone..." Paige finished softly.

Emma looked at Paige, something about the way she said Alone, made Emma wonder if there was something going on with her as well, She had heard about her breakup with Spinner. Of course this is not about Paige and it's not about Emma herself, this is about Ellie. And what she has done to herself.

"I just thought they were rumors." Emma said.

"I thought she stopped. She TOLD me she stopped. I should have known she was lieing. I should have followed her when she ran off today." Paige said.

"She probably would still deny it." Emma said.

Paige looked at her, her eyes widened a little bit as if she was actually just noticing Emma sitting beside her for the first time. She looked a little bit surprised.

"Why were you at her house, anyways?" Paige asked her. "I mean face it hun...you two aren't exactly best buds." Paige said.

"I heard about her dad. And I saw her running out today. I guess.." Emma stopped, as she tried to think about why she did go over there in the first place. Of course she had a reason before, but now she can't even think about it. She scanned her head, trying to think about a real reason but kept coming up empty.

"I don't know. I just...found myself there I guess." Emma finished.

"Well whatever reason it was..you saved her life." Paige said.

"Yeah...saved her life.." Emma repeated.

Emma stood up as she walked over to the door, looking in at the window which still had the shade pulled down, she just wished she could see something, or at the very least she wished someone would come out and tell them what was happening...but sadly there was no indication of that happening anytime soon.

-------------------------

As Marco stepped off the elevator he searched the crowded hallway, looking around for a payphone. Finally he spotted one off in the distance. Knowing just how rare it is to find a vacat payphone in a crowded hospital, he rushed for the phone, grabbing it from the hook just as a man stepped up behind him.

"Excuse me-" The man said.

"I got it." Marco snapped as he looked behind him at the man.

The man threw his hands up in defeat as he backed away and continued on down the hallway. Marco took a deep breath as he rested his head against the wall beside the phone, still gripping on to the phone tightly. His heart was beating a mile a minute, he couldn't remember the last time he felt this afraid. Ellie is his best friend and right now she is hanging on by a thread, if that. If one of those damn doctors would just come out and tell someone what was going on then maybe he would be able to feel at ease, at least a little bit.

Digging around in his pocket Marco pulled out a fistful of change, opening his palm he searched through his hand trying to find some quarters so that he could pay for the call. Knowing it will be a very expensive one.

Finally he found about two dollars worth of quarters as he dropped the rest of the change on the little table beside the phone.

He put all of the quarters in the little change slot and dialed Sean's cell phone number. Good thing he has such a fresh memory or else he would have just wasted two dollars.

Putting the reciver to his ear he tapped his foot nervously as he listened to the ringing, praying someone would pick up.

"Comeon Sean. Pick up.." Marco mumbled impatiently as he could feel the anger boiling inside of him. How can he not be answering his phone?

"Hello?" Sean's voice came on the other end of the phone.

"Sean! You need to come home Now!" Marco yelled into the phone.

"Wh-Marco?" Sean asked, clearly confused to hear his voice.

"Look there's no time to explain just come home now, please." Marco insisted.

"No." Sean replied simply.

"No Sean, this isn't just a simple call pleading you to come home for the hell of it. Ellie needs you, ok? She needs you and she needs you now." Marco said.

"I called her, she wouldn't talk to me. She hung up on me." Sean said, clearly he was pained by that.

"Sean, there's no time to explain just please come home. Now." Marco pleaded.

"What for? Ellie doesn't want anything to do with me. She won't even talk to me. There's no point." Sean said.

"She's in the hospital." Marco said finally.

He had not planned on telling him over the phone, he actually thought that if he pleaded enough then Sean would just come. Of course he never stopped to consider what if Sean really didn't want to come back. But knowing that Ellie is in the hospital..it has to mean something.

"I-" Sean froze. "I'm...I'll be there in a few hours." He said as he hung up the phone.


	7. Hanging By A Moment

**Hanging By A Moment**

Emma looked down at her watch as she shifted in her seat. Four hours. It has been four hours since she rushed in through those double doors, following behind the paramedics. They told her it would only be a few minutes, they told her that every five minutes.

"What is taking so long? Why haven't they come out of there yet?" Marco asked as he continued to pace back and forth.

"Can you just stop it? Please." Paige snapped as she stood up and stared at Marco.

"I don't even know why you're still here! It's not like you and Ellie are even friends." Marco said as he locked eyes with her.

"Guys. Can you both just stop it?" Emma asked as she stood up. "I'm going to go try and find out whats going on, can you two be civil for five minutes?" Emma asked.

"Whatever." Paige said as she rolled her eyes and walked back to her seat, sitting back down.

"I still can't believe this is happening." Ashley whispered softly.

Emma looked down at Ashley as she had her arms wrapped around her waist rocking back and forth in her seat. Emma had actually forgotten that Ashley was here, she has been so quiet these past few hours.

She was about to head over to the nurses station just as one of the doctors finally stepped out of the room.

"Excuse me!" Emma called as she rushed over to the doctor.

He paused, his back to her as he slowly turned around to face the young blond girl. "What is taking so long?" Emma asked, her heart beating like crazy as she awaited his answer.

"I'm sorry...I can't give out that information until her legal guardian is contacted." He responded.

"Her legal guardian?" Emma asked, as she looked around at her friends. "I uh..I don't think she..."

"I'm her legal gaurdian." a voice came from behind her.

Emma turned around as she watched Ashley's mother approching the group.

"You're her guardian?" The doctor asked.

"Her mother left her in my care, yes." She replied.

The doctor nodded at her. "Ok well then..may I have a word with you please? Alone?" He asked.

Mrs. Kerwin nodded as she followed the doctor down the hall and into a empty room down the hall.

"Ellie's mom never left her with your mom." Marco said as he looked at Ashley.

"I know." Ashley said as she stood up. "But she will be now." She said.

"You guys..what if something awful happened? What if they couldn't stop the bleeding?" Paige asked.

"Don't talk like that, Paige." Marco said.

Emma watched as the teenagers continued to think the worse, she tried to pay attention to what they were saying but as usual she allowed for her cuoriosity to take control. She stepped away from the group and walked over towards Ellie's room. The door was slightly open, and finally it was empty. All of the doctors had finally vacated, leaving only Ellie alone.

Emma glanced over her shoulder, wondering if any of the others had even noticed her stray. Clearly they had not since they now seemed to have started up a argument, everyone thinking the worse and no one even bothering to try to sneak into the room.

Normally Emma would never even consider doing such a thing, especially since she knows the doctor will probably kick her out as soon as he notices her inside. But right now all that she could think about was what she saw. The image of Ellie laying as still as she was, her arm drenched in a pool of her own blood..it was haunting her. The image had been burned into her brain and it would not go away. The only way she will be able to get rid of it is to see how Ellie is now, to see if she is ok. Even though what she sees may be even worse then what she walked in on.

The room was dark, the only light was the dim light from the sun that illuminated the room from behind the half open shade on the other side of the room. The second Emma took her first step in the room she felt as the air grew thicker, it was hot, and she could almost feel as if she was going to start sweating any minute now. The silence of the room gave her goosebumps, the only sound was the constant beep from the heart monitor on the other side of the room. Which was actually a comforting sound, it was proof that Ellie was at least not as bad as she had imagined she would be.

Emma stepped up to the side of the bed, staring down at her. Ellie looked so fragile and helpless, the only movement visable was her chest rising and lowering as she took each breath. That was probably one of the only comforting images at this moment. Her hands laid still at her side, numerous needles throughout her arms, a white bandage wrapped around her arm. They clearly managed to stop the bleeding, which made Emma let out a breath she was unaware she had been holding in.

"She should be out for the rest of the evening." A voice came from behind her.

Emma turned around as she watched a short chubby little nurse walk into the room.

"I-Is she going to be ok?" Emma asked her.

"She lost a lot of blood. They'll need to keep her for a few nights. I can't tell you anything more." She replied.

Emma didn't say anything as she turned back to Ellie. If someone had told her two years ago that she would find herself standing at the bedside of Ellie Nash praying that someone would save her, she would have called them crazy. Just a reminder of how life never turns out how you want it too. It can sneak up on you and find yourself stuck in the most unexpected of situations.

"You really shouldn't be in here." The nurse said as she stepped up to Ellie's bedside, grabbing her chart while she wrote something down.

"I'll go." Emma said as she turned and headed for the door.

"Its ok. I'm leaving anyways. You can stay." The nurse said as she winked at Emma and exited the room.

Emma turned her attention back to Ellie's still form. Grabbing the chair from the far corner she pulled it up beside the bed. She wiped away yet another stray tear as she found herself still slightly shaken over what had happened today. Nothing seems to make much sense anymore.

------------

Marco kept his eyes fixed on the room where Mrs. Kerwin and the doctor had entered moments ago. Praying that soon enough the two adults would walk out and approch him, tell him what was going on. Explain what has happened and when Ellie will wake up or if she will. Of course he knows he can not think like that. This is Ellie afterall. If anyone can survive something like this, its Ellie. She is the strongest person Marco has ever met.

"Where's Emma?" Ashley's voice interrupted Marco's thoughts.

"In the room." Paige repiled as she motioned to Ellie's room.

Marco walked over to the open door, staring at Ellie as he leaned against the doorframe, watching the girl who he considers to be a part of his family, as she laid motionless in the whote bed.

He was still surprised that Emma is still here, and sitting beside Ellie's bed. It is one thing for the girl to be at her house at the right moment, but it is another thing for her to stay in the hospital for more then an hour. Nevermind being here all four hours.

"MARCO!!" Marco turned around as he heard someone screaming his name.

Just at that moment his jaw pratically dropped at what he saw before him. Sean came rushing down the hall headed right for him.


	8. She's Out Of My Hands

**She's Out Of My Hands**

Sean could feel his heart beating in his chest, his blood was running through his veins, his head pounding. His mind was rushing, full of all thoughts he never wanted to think again. He burst through the double doors of the hospital, scanning his surroundings as quickly as possible. Finally off in the distance he spotted Marco.

"Marco!" He screamed at the top of his lungs as he rushed towards him. He did not realize how loud he screamed until he caught up to Marco, and had to stop to catch his breath. His throat felt sore as if he had screamed too loud.

Marco turned around quickly as Sean stopped in front of him. Sean bent down, one hand wrapped around his waist as he felt his sides hurting. His breath caught in his throat, he had to shake his head to calm himself down. Finally after a few seconds of heavy breathing he managed to stand up straight again.

"Wh-Where is she? Is she awake? I need to see her-" Sean said as he did not give Marco a chance to answer any of his questions, instead he pushed past him and headed for the first door he could see. He swung open the door, preparing himself to see Ellie laying there as still as a board.

"Ellie-" He froze as he looked around the room. The room was dark, the only sound he could hear was the beeping of the monitor, the only light coming from the window beside the bed. As he stepped further into the room, preparing himself to say something, anything.

As Sean took another step into the room he felt as a hand from behind grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt and tried to drag him out of the room. Sean almost collapsed as the hand attempted to drag him out, but clearly they were not strong enough. He pushed the hand off him as he turned around to see Marco.

Sean took one more glance into the room before following Marco out in the hallway, closing the door behind him.

"What are you doing?!" Marco yelled at him.

"I need to see her!" Sean screamed back.

"Then try going in the right room next time!" Marco said as he motioned to the room two doors down.

"Right room.." Sean repeated. He turned around as he walked over to the door of the room he was just inside. For the first time he noticed that there was a name on the door. _Christina Hopkinton._ Sean turned around as he felt himself calming down a little bit.

"Oh. Yeah." He said softly.

------------

Her throat was dry, and chalky. Her hands were shaking, she was cold. She felt as if she had not eaten anything in days. Her stomach was hurting her and she could not decide weather it was because she was hungry, or because of the loss of blood. Whatever it was, she just hoped it would go away soon.

She took several calm, soothing breaths before opening her eyes for the first time in hours. Ellie scanned the room. The white walls, white sheets, the dim light from the lamp beside her bed, the numerous machines all around the room, as well as the one machine that was pumping blood into her arm. She looked down at the arm she had cut hours ago. Placing her hand over the white cloth that was now wrapped around it. It was still tender around that area, and with each touch she felt her stomach growling.

She looked to her right and for the first time she got a good glimpse of the figure sleeping in the small uncomfortable chair beside her. Emma Nelson? The sight of her confused Ellie, why is she here?

Emma shifted in her seat, as her head moved from her shoulder to the table beside her, a few seconds later her head slid down to the table and hit against it lightly, causing Emma to stir in her sleep even more, only this time it woke her.

Emma lifted her head, placing her hand around to where she slammed it. "Ouch." she mumbled under her breath, her eyes still closed.

"Emma.." Ellie whispered.

Emma opened her eyes as she saw Ellie pushing herself to a sitting position. She looked slightly shocked but then slowly gave Ellie a forced smile.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" Emma asked her.

"Yo-You were the one..the voice I heard when I ... you found me..." Ellie said to her. While she was laying on the ground, the blood pouring from the scar on her arm she heard a faint voice. A girls voice she knew, but she just assumed it was Ashley's, but apparently she was wrong.

"You scared me...All of us." Emma responded.

"How..How long have I been here?" Ellie asked her.

"About five hours. We've just been waiting for you to wake up." Emma said.

"Thanks..for..calling and saving my life." Ellie said to her.

"Ellie why would you do that to yourself?" Emma asked as her eyes wandered down to the bandage on her arm.

Ellie could give Emma the same answer she has given everyone else in the past, everyone who asked her that exact same question. Because it was _the only pain I could control. _Which is true, but not in this case. No, this time a tiny part of her was glade when she hit the ground, a tiny part of her was waiting for that moment to hit, the moment when she would be free from all of the pain and emptiness inside of her, the moment when she would no longer have to feel as if she was going to be alone for the rest of her life.

But not today, no now she does not want to give Emma the false answer that she would give to everyone else, today she does not want to tell Emma that she wanted to die. No..she does not want to tell her anything.

"Did they say when I can go home?" Ellie asked, changing the subject.

"I don't think today." Emma said.

Ellie felt a wave of dissapointment wash over her, but only for a moment as the realization hit her. If she were to go home to that empty house she once shared with Sean, she would be forced to spend the entire evening alone with nothing but the temptation, and the overwhelming pain inside of her...to keep her company.

She pushed herself back down in the bed, preparing herself to close her eyes when she made the mistake of taking one final glance at the door. Ellie could have sworn she felt her jaw drop and her heart hit the floor when she spotted him standing there.

His hair was messy and his eyes were bloodshot, he looked as if he had not slept in days. He was leaning against the doorframe in silence, wearing the same gray sweatshirt he has always worn, no hat this time which for some reason was a slight shock to Ellie.

Emma must have noticed her jaw drop as she too turned around and followed Ellie's frozen gaze.

Sean looked at the two girls, his face twisted in confusion. He clearly seemed surpirsed to see his current..well...whatever Ellie was to him, and his ex girlfriend sitting alone together in a room in a civil conversation.

Sean pushed himself away from the door frame as he slowly took a step into the room. Taking a deep breath he shoved both his hands deep into the pockets of his sweatshirt. He shot the two girls a slight smile, or a slight attempt at a smile.

Ellie again pushed herself to a sitting position as Emma stood from her seat, and stepped up beside Ellie, almost as if she was in a protective state.

"Marco called me." Sean said softly as he took another several steps into the room.

"I just..I came as soon as I could..." He stepped up to the foot of the bed, Emma crossed her arms over chest protectivly, while Ellie just continued to glare at him.

She never would have thought she would see Sean standing here, in her room. Especially knowing now that the whole reason he came back was because he heard about what happened to her.

"You shouldn't be here." Ellie said to him softly, glaring at him.

"I know I just..I wanted to make sure you're ok." he said.

"You made sure. She's fine. Now go." Emma snapped.

"Emma..don't." Sean said as he looked at her. "Can you..can you please leave us alone?" Sean asked her.

Emma looked down at Ellie, as she waited to hear what she would say.

"Can you?" Ellie asked Sean.

"What? Ellie I just want to talk." Sean said to her.

"She said go." Emma interrupted.

"Emma this isn't about you!" Sean snapped as he turned and yelled at her.

"No it isn't about me. And it isn't about you either. This is about Ellie. And she wants you to leave so just leave." Emma said as she pushed herself away from the wall she had been leaning against and took a forced step forward.

"You know what, Emma. For the first time can you just take a hint and butt out of other peoples business?" Sean asked her.

"Why can't you take a hint and leave? She asked you too so just do it." Emma insisted.

"You know-"

"BOTH OF YOU!" Ellie shouted.

Both Emma and Sean turned to her, as Ellie put her hand around her throat. She didn't realize it would hurt so much to yell like that. But now her throat hurt and she felt even more light headed then before.

"Can you both just leave? Please." She insisted. A tear glistering in the corner of her eye.

"Sorry. I'll see you later." Emma whispered as she gave Ellie a slight smile, shooting Sean one final cold stare before she exited the room.

"Ellie..." Sean started.

"Sean. I mean it." Ellie insisted.

"Fine. But I'm not leaving. I'll be in the hall." Sean said to her as he turned and headed for the door.

Ellie watched as Sean walked out into the hall, closing her eyes she fought back the tears in her eyes as she laid back down on the bed. Wishing this day has never happened.


	9. The Painful Truth

**The Painful Truth**

Sean paced back and forth in the hallway just outside of the door to Ellie's room. His mind was racing with numerous burning questions. Why would she do this again? Was it because of him? Did her mother do something else? Did someone say something to upset her? Maybe Emma had something to do with it...

No matter how many questions ran around in his head the only one that seemed to make any sense to him was that it had to do with him. He should have thought about what he was doing before he turned his back on Ellie and left her behind. Even though they never spoke the words, Sean knew that Ellie was never expecting him to be just like everyone else in her life. He knew the last thing she expected was for him to profess his love to her only to seconds later tell her that he could not return to Toronto with her. They never offically broke up, but in the many sleepless nights, countless hours, numbing days they were apart..neither one of them made the effort to speak. Well..not neither one..Ellie had called him numerous times, but he never responded or never called her back..he should have put in the effort.

"What are you doing here?" The sound of Paige's voice shook Sean from his thoughts as he turned to see her turning the corner. Her face was twisted in anger as she approched him, her hands full of two coffee cups.

"Paige.." Marco said with a exhausted sigh as he approched her.

"No." She said, her voice full of determination as she handed one of the cups to Marco, and placed the other on the small table between a sleeping Ashley and Emma.

"What are you doing here?" Paige asked again as she stepped up to Sean.

"I'm here for Ellie." Sean said as he glanced at her once before turning his attention back to pacing in front of the room.

"Stop." Paige insisted as she grabbed Sean's arm to stop him from pacing.

"What? What do you want?" He asked her.

"You don't belong here. Go home." Paige said.

"What? No way. I belong here more then you do." Sean said, shocked by Paige's sudden comment.

"Oh really? I don't remember being the one who abanonded her.." Paige said.

"Paige comeon don't start anything." Marco said as he walked over to her.

"No. Marco again, I hate to be the only one here who's willing to tell the truth but he has to hear it." She spoke to Marco and yet she not once peeled her eyes away from Sean.

"What? What truth?" Sean asked, this time he was really frustrated. He just drove two and a half hours here from Wasaga Beach, it is almost midnight, he's been here for hours, hasn't had anything to eat or drink in hours and now he has to deal with the wrath of Paige. Not going to happen.

"Paige seriously.." Marco continued. As always trying to be the peacekeeper.

This time Paige ignored him as she lowered her voice, making sure not to cause a scene.

"Ellie trusted you. She needed you. Her mother went off to get help with her drinking and her father was off in some other country and YOU asked her to move in with you only to leave her in the dust a month later. So again..you shouldn't be here." Paige said.

"Paige." Marco said.

"Marco stop taking his side!" Paige snapped as she turned to him.

"No. I'm not. She's right, Sean. You should just leave." Marco insisted.

Sean looked around the narrow hallway, he turned his attention to Ashley and Emma who were now waking up. The two young girls looked confused as to what was going on, but neither one of them spoke as they locked their eyes on a angry Sean.

"I came all the way here from Wasaga..I'm not leaving until Ellie tells me too." He says, eerily calm.

"She already did." Emma says, as she stands up from her seat. Yawning slightly she steps up beside Marco and Paige.

"Sean seriously..just go." Ashley buts in as she too steps up beside the others.

Sean's eyes widen as he stares at the row of former "friends" of his. Eyes locked on him, their cold stares sending a chill up his spine. Sure, he was never really close with Ashley, Paige or Marco. But Emma? How could she do this to him...again? Take someone elses side over his..Should come as no shock, yet it does.

----------------

Ellie's eyes darted open as she heard the commotion out in the hallway. She turned on her back as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. She still felt a little bit sick. Her stomach was still grumbling and her head was now throbbing. It must have something to do with the drugs they gave her.

She looked around the room for something to hold on to. She grabbed the tray table they had given her earlier, which still had a tray full of food on it. Ellie removed the tray as she carefully placed it on the chair beside the bed. Grabbing a hold of the table she slowly wheeled it to the door, pulling open the shade she hid in the shadow as she listened carefully to the fighting outside of her room.

Her eyes filled with tears as she heard her friends attacking Sean. _Friends. _She actually allowed that word to enter her vocabulary when in reference to the group of people who stood outside her room. They are not her friends. Not anymore. If they were her friends then they would not be out there attacking the one person who could have saved her, they would not be yelling at Sean and treating him as if he is the spawn of satan. But then again, Sean is not who she thought he was either. He let her down just like everyone else. All of those people who stood in that hallway yelling..they have all proven her opinion of them to be wrong.

Paige Michalchuck being number one. Ellie never would have considered Paige to be a friend, the two girls were complete opposits. Paige pep ralleys and pom poms and Ellie was monster flicks and darkness. Yet Paige seems to be the only one out there who noticed the signs that Ellie was cutting..twice. Paige was the one who stopped her the first time..and now here she is again standing out in that hallway on her side. But a friend..No. Ellie will never fully consider Paige a friend. She is just..they are not enemies yet not buddies.

Ashley and Ellie used to be inseprable. Ashley has, on countless times told Ellie that she helped her figure out where she fit in. During that difficult time in her life when she was shunned by Paige and all of her other friends, Ellie was right there for her. Yet ever since she reunited with Craig, everything changed again. Ashley was still there for her..she has made attempts to drag Ellie from the house but..things haven't been the same in a really long time.

Marco...Ellie often wishes she could go back in time to before Marco came out, to a time when they were best friends. Always there for each other. To the simple times of their lives when it was Marco and Ellie..Ellie and Marco. Best friends..and Ellie of course always had hope for something more. When Marco came out, things changed. But he was still her Marco, they were still there for each other. Until Dylan and Sean entered the picture. Marco often left Ellie mid sentence to chase after Dylan, and Sean had made numerous attempts at coming in between them..and now it is almost as if the Marco she once actually may have loved is no more. Recently, like Ashley, Marco has made several attempts at going back to the way things where but it never felt right.

And well..there really is not a whole lot for Ellie to think about when it comes to Emma Nelson. The two girls were never complete enemies, but a part of Ellie always felt threatened by Emma. Maybe it was the fact that Emma had Sean first, or that Emma was constatly sending out signals that Ellie always felt like someday she may want Sean back. Whatever it was..She was wrong. Because at this moment, Emma seems to be the only person who seems to understand.

Ellie brushed away a stray tear as it rolled down her cheek. Why she was crying, she was unaware. A flood of emotions rushed through her as she pushed herself back to her bed, bending down she laid back down as she stared up at the ceiling.

She closed her eyes as she tried to think back on a time when everything was perfect. She tried to think back to the part of her life where everyday was fun and exciting, when everything made her smile. The sound of a voice, the feel of a hug, the warmth of a smile from someone she loved...but the only moment she could think about was her sixth birthday party.

A smile spread across her face as she thought about that day, realizing it was in fact the last time she could ever remember being truely happy.

She remembered it so clearly. It was back before she had even moved to Toronto, back before her father had to keep going on numerous "peacekeeping" missions he is now sent on. It was before her mother got so heavy into the drinking and it was before the thought of ever harming herself entered her mind. Ellie often wondered how much different her life may have been if she stayed in Ontario with her grandparents instead of moving to Toronto.

Everything would be so much better. Back then, on her sixth birthday...everything was perfect. The beautiful cake her mother had picked up from their favorite bakery, the pinata her father had made himself in the shape of a red pony. Which oddly enough at that time was Ellie's favorite color, he had filled it with pixie sticks and sweet tarts and all of Ellie's favorite candies. She was surrounded by a group of her closest friends, people she never would never see again. Everything was perfect back then. Her young inocence mixed in with how naieve she had been made it so perfect.

Now..now she will never feel that peace again. Because now the only thing she can seem to feel is the cold blade pressed up against her arm as she drags it across her pasty white flesh. Now, that is the only feel of comfort to enter her.

And now...that is the thought keeping her warm as she drifts off to a deep sleep.


	10. Shattered Pieces

**Shattered Pieces**

_Ellie leaned against the orange car as she waited for Sean to come, she knew he had to actually talk to his parents for real this time and was willing to wait till next week if she had too. All that mattered right now is that Sean gets to tell his parents everything he ever wanted to tell them before, but never had the chance too._ _She would do just about anything she could for him and he knows that._

_Ellie looked over her shoulder as she watched Emma and Jay talking. Jay was making some crack about Sean's house and oddly enough, Emma as serious as she always seems, was actually laughing at Jay's joke. Ellie rolled her eyes as she turned back to the house, just in time to see Sean walking down the driveway in her directon._

_She pushed herself away from the car as he walked over to her. He stopped in front of her._ _He took a deep breath before he spoke, finally._

"_I told them everything." He said to her, something in his eyes looked so sad and distant._

"_Lets get you out of here." Ellie said as she reached for his hand._

_Sean backed away slightly, and Ellie could sense that something wrong was about to happen._

"_E-Ellie..look..I don't know..how.." He said as he took another deep breath._

_Ellie stared at him, she could sense what he was about to say. She could feel it coming.._

"_You're...you're...st-staying...aren't you?" She asked him, even though she already knew the answer._

_He didn't say anything, he just stood there and sared at her. He did not deny nor conform it.._

"_Sean..please..I..I love you." Ellie said, her voice cracking slightly._

"_I love you too." He replied softly. "But.."_

_Ellie could feel her heart shattering into a million pieces. How could he tell her he loves her and then tell her he won't be with her?_

"_Ellie.." He said._

"_Well..when are you coming back?" She asked, her voice full of hope._

_Sean did not say anything this time. Instead he just looked down at the ground, until the sound og Jay's voice interrupted her thoughts._

"_Yo. Cameron get in the car." Jay said._

"_Staying." Sean said as he finally looked up, but he did not look at Ellie. Instead he looked over her shoulder at Jay._

"_I'm staying." He said as he glanced quickly at Ellie before he walked around her and to Jay. "Look for the first time in my life I need to be here. With my parents. To deal." He said._

_Ellie's eyes filled with tears as she watched him talk to Jay. As she heard him say he was staying _"to deal" _she could no longer handle looking at him, knowing he will never look at her again. She rushed off to the car._

_Sean and Jay exchanged their goodbyes before Jay and Emma got in the car. Sean looked over to Ellie, who stood at the door. She did not say anything as a tear rolled down her cheek. She shook her head at him before she jumped in the car._

_Ellie looked out of the back window as they pulled out of the driveway, driving down the street. She stared at Sean, each second passing bringing her another second away from him. Away from the guy who just seconds ago told her he loves her right after he tore her heart out. _

_As Sean's broad frame vanished into the horizon, Ellie turned back to the front of the car. She stared blankly out the window, lost in her own thoughts._

"_Some way to end a day off from school, huh?" Jay asked with a slight chuckle._

_Ellie glanced beside her at him, she shook her head as she did not say a word. _

"_Shut up." Emma mumbled under her breath from the back seat._

_Ellie silently thanked Emma for saying that, she would have herself but she just did not have it in her anymore._

_The rest of the two hour drive went by like a blur. Ellie spent the entire time lost in thought as she thought over everything her and Sean have been through in their time together. The time on the roof when he touched her scars, the way he always looked at her, him asking her to move in...all the way until him telling her he's leaving her. He didn't even bother to say he would pick up his things.._

Ellie's eyes fluttered open as she felt a sob rising in her chest. He had come back. For the first time in months Sean was back in her life and all she could think about was the past, was what he did. He left her. He packed up..no he didn't even pack up, he just went for a drive with her and that was that. He stayed in Wasaga and he broke her heart, the one thing he said he'd never do.

She rolled over in bed, her eyes widened when she saw Sean was sitting there in the chair beside the bed. His arms folded across his chest, his head resting on his shoulder, his eyes closed tightly. She laid there and stared at him, all of her feelings quickly came rushing back to her. Everything she always thought about him, everything she ever loved. The way he talked, the way he laughed, his smile, those hats, his hair, his eyes, the way he looked at her, the way it felt when he touched her, his kiss..Ellie brushed a tear off of her cheek with her hand as she held back a sob. Why did he have to do it? Why did he have to leave her?

Sean shifted in his seat, as he opened his eyes. He looked at Ellie, and as he saw her staring at him he pratically jumped from the seat. Clearly he was startled by her suddenly being awake. He grabbed the chair as he pulled the chair up to her bed.

"Hey.." he whispered softly to her, forcing a smile.

"What are you doing here, Sean?" she asked. Her voice was raspy, chalky. It hurt to talk, but she had to know.

"I came to see you." He said to her.

"I didn't ask you too." Ellie said, it hurt her to talk to him this way, but he hurt her worse.

"I know but..Ellie you wouldn't even take my calls, I..I had to see how you were doing.." He said.

"How did you even know I was here?" She asked him.

"Marco..he called me." Sean said.

"Look...Ellie I know what I did to you was wrong, ok? But I had to get away. This town was killing me. Everyone looking and talking, reporters..and when I saw my parents on that tape.." Sean sighed as he looked at her. "I couldn't be here anymore." He finished quietly.

"You could have called, visited...something. The only time you called me you never spoke." Ellie said.

"I'm sorry." Sean said.

"I'm tired. Can you please just...go? Go back to Wasaga..that is where you want to be anyways." Ellie said.

"No. I want to be here. With you. I'm not going anywhere, Ellie." He said to her.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at him, shaking her head.

"No. You're going, Sean please. Just go..go.." Ellie whimpered.

She thought about her father, the man who promised he would always be around is now dead, and now that Sean won't go away..he could have died too that day. Leaving Ellie with no one..but leaving and going to Wasaga..that was almost just as bad.

"I'm staying at Craig's." Sean said as he stood up. "I'm not leaving..now anyways." He finished.

Sean looked down at Ellie's fragile form.

"I'll see you in the morning." He said before turning and walking out.

Ellie watched as he walked out the door, leaving her alone in the pitch black room. Rolling over onto her side she closed her eyes as she tried to get back to sleep.

--------

Sean walked out into the hallway, looking in through the window he watched as Ellie rolled over onto her other side. He lightly touched the glass, wishing he could touch her again, or make her smile like she used too.

"Sean man. Hey." Craig's voice came from behind him.

Sean looked over his shoulder as he felt Craig' slap him on the back as he stopped beside him. Sean turned back to the room, staring in at the window again. Craig followed his eyes.

"So. How's she doing?" He asked him.

"I don't know. She won't talk to me." Sean replied dryly.

"Well what do you expect, man?" Craig asked him.

"Yeah. I know. I messed up." Sean said.

"Look if I learned anything from what I did to Ash, its that you can't make her feel like you abanonded her. You can't make her feel like you slipped away. You need to show her how you feel or how much she means to you." Craig said.

Sean looked at him, as he listened to his friends advice. _Show her how you feel..._his words repeated in his head. Sean looked back in the window, staring at Ellie as she slept. He watched how smooth her breathing was, he looked at the heart monitor beside her bed. The light from the full moon shining in from the large window on the other side of the room making her hair look as red as fire.

_Show her how you feel..._It was as if a lightbulb went off in his head. A small smile slowly spread across his face.

"Sean..hey man..what's with the creepy smile?" Craig asked.

"Comeon. There's something we got to do." Sean said as he slapped Craig on the back, and headed for the door.


	11. Two And Twenty Misfortunes

**Two And Twenty Misfortunes**

Sean pushed open the worn wooden door to Ellie's house, as he stepped over the threshold, Craig trailing closely behind him.

"What exactly are we doing here?" Craig asked as he stepped inside the house.

"I need to find something." Sean said as he walked further into the house.

He walked down the hall and to the kitchen, still surprised to see that not much if any work has been done since the fire. He would have thought someone would have done something. Maybe toss on a fresh coat of paint or something. But nothing has been done. The walls were still chared and black, the stove had several burn marks all over and the blinds were burnt to a crisp. He looked around, as he walked over to the stove, staring down at the overturned pot. Sean's eyes immediaty landed on the small drop of a dried red spot on the countertop. To a stranger it would look like a drop of red paint, but Sean knew what it was. It must have been some of the blood that fell from Ellie's arm when she got burnt by the flames. Sean ran his fingers over the spot, staring down at it he found himself getting lost in a daze, realizing everything Ellie has gone through.

"Sean..yo..Earth to Sean.." The sound of Craig's voice shook Sean from his trance as he looked over his shoulder at his friend.

"We need to find it." Sean mumbled softly to himself as he quickly rushed down the hall and into Ellie's room.

He walked right over to her desk as he began to shuffle through the drawers, pulling out piece of paper after paper as he searched for the number or address of where her father was stationed.

"What exactly are you looking for, again?" Craig asked him.

"The number or address of where her father is." Sean said as he continued to search through the drawers.

"Why?" Craig asked from the doorway.

Sean stopped searching as he straighed his back up and turned to face Craig.

"Look..when I left I hurt her..more then I ever wanted to do. I did the one thing I never should have done. I left her. Just like everyone else. Her mom..her dad..and then me. Her dad and her mom..they didn't have a choice though. They were both forced to leave but me? Me I-I could have stayed. For her..I should have. But I didn't. And the least I can do is bring back the only other person who she would want." Sean said.

"Yeah but thats just not possible." Craig insisted.

"Yes it is. All I need is the number or address and I can figure something out.." Sean trailed off.

"No..Sean you're not listening to me. It is NOT possible..don't..don't you know?" Craig asked as he walked further into the room and over to where Sean stood.

"What? Know what?" Sean asked.

"Ellie's father's dead." Craig responded.

Sean's eyes widened as Craig's words slowly began to sink in. iEllie's Father's Dead.../I Sean could not believe it. How could he not know? How could she not tell him? Why didn't Marco tell him when he called? Why..why..why..so many questions began to swim around in his head as Sean pulled out the chair and collapsed down on it.

"Dead?" Sean asked, looking up at his friend.

"I..I thought you knew..." Craig said sadly as he sat down on her bed across the room.

"This..and then I.." Sean could no longer form a coherant thought as he bent down and buried his face in his hands. Nothing is ever going to be able to bring back the Ellie he loves..nothing will ever be able to pull her from this slump..nothing makes sense anymore.

-----------------

Ellie watched as the sun slowly began to shine in through the shades, the slight tint of orange filled the room causing her to have to squint if she were to continue to stare. Normally she would not be up so early, but for the past few weeks she has hardly gotten a full nights sleep. Nothing was how it used to be, nothing was easy anymore. Not that her life was ever easy. Nothing came easy for her, everything has always been difficult, everything has been a stuggle, everything has always started out good and then ended up hurting. Why she continued to wake up every morning has always managed to cross her mind on a daily basis.

The sound of a knock at the door forced Ellie to pull herself away from her thoughts as she turned around and watched as Marco walked in.

"Hey." He said with a smile as he walked over to her bed and pulled out the chair beside her, sitting down.

"Hey.." Ellie whispered as she managed to force a smile.

"What are you doing up so early?" Ellie asked him.

"No matter what they say, waiting rooms are not a good place to sleep. Especially in a hospital with people running in and out screaming over the stupidst things." Marco said with a chuckle.

"If they're in the hospital it can't be stupid." Ellie said.

"Oh yeah? Some guy came running in because his zipper was stuck on his underware and he thought something else was caught. It turned out it was just his shirt. I was laughing so hard I almost peed on myself, he was so drunk too." Marco said as he laughed.

Ellie forced a laugh as she watched her friend laugh hysterically beside her. She knew he was trying to cheer her up, trying to make her smile. And while it was forced, Ellie did feel slightly better. Not enough to actually let out a genuine laugh but enough to fool Marco.

"So I talked to your doctor. They're relasing you today." Marco said with a big smile.

"And me and Ash have both decided to take shifts staying with you. We're both staying over tonight and then you get to decide who stays tomorrow." Marco said to her.

"Marco you don't need to babysit me." Ellie said as she rolled onto her side to look at him. Her red hair was sticky with sweat, sticking to her forehead.

Marco moved his chair closer to the bed as he looked at his best friend.

"Ellie..you almost died." Marco said softly, as he looked her in the eyes. "I can't lose you." He said to her, reaching over he grabbed her hand, wrapping both of his around her fragile little hand.

"I'm fine, really." Ellie insisted.

Marco sighed as he shook his head.

"That doesn't matter. You can't stay there alone. Don't fight with me. You can't change my mind about this." Marco said to her.

Ellie smiled, yet this time it was not fake, it was not forced. This time it was a real smile. Just knowing that while Sean may have said he would never hurt her, never leave her he did. And now here is Marco basically making the same promise, only in not so many words. Yet for the first time in days, Ellie actually found herself allowing a slither of hope to enter. She always knew she could count on Marco. He will never break his promise.


	12. No More Empty Conversations

**No More Empty Conversations**

Ellie stared out the window as Marco slowly pulled into the driveway of the house she once shared with Sean. Looking out the window she brushed away a stray tear that rolled down her cheek as Marco pulled the car to a stop.

"Ellie.." The sound of Ashley's voice came from behind her.

Ellie looked over her shoulder, and gave Ashley a sad smile. Ashley climbed out of the car as she walked around and opened Ellie's door for her.

"You know..if you don't want to stay here, my mom said you can stay with us for as long as you want." Ashley said as she took Ellie's hand and helped her from the car.

"Thanks but this is my home now." Ellie said softly.

"Well don't worry, we'll make the best out of it." Marco replied as he walked around the car and up to the front door.

Ellie followed him up the steps as she approched the front door. Ever since Sean left, everytime she felt a little bit more hopeful that someday she would open the door and there he would be. Sean. Standing in the middle of the room, several bags on the ground at his feet. A giant smile on his beautiful face as he saw her walk through the door. She would walk over to him, and before she could get a word out he would grab her and kiss her. The one thing she had longed for daily. After several minutes of a passionate kiss, he would pull away, look her in the eyes and tell her he loves her too much to stay away.

Yet everytime she opens the door...nothing.

Ellie pulled out her keys as she opened the door, her heart beating a mile a minute, she almost felt scared that she would open the door and this time, he would be there. Yet as she pushed the door open..it was just as empty as ever.

"You wanna order some dinner?" Marco asked as he pushed his way past her and into the house.

"Yeah we can go to the Dot. Get you out of here and to someplace with real food." Ashley said with a smile.

"No..thanks I'm just gonna..take a shower." Ellie said as she finally stepped into the house.

"Ok well..do you need anything? Want us to _try _and cook something for you?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah and I could run to the video store and pick up some movies if you want." Marco said with a smile.

"Sure." Ellie replied as she walked down the hall and into the bathroom.

As she closed the door behind her, Ellie rested her back up against the door. Tears welling in her eyes as she tried to chase away the taunting thoughts, chase away the words Sean said. _I want to be here. With you. I'm not going anywhere, Ellie. _Why couldn't he just go ahead and leave? He said those words before. He told her he was not going anywhere and yet he did. His word used to mean something to her, when he would promise her something, Ellie would never second guess weather or not he was going to keep his promise. She used to actually believe that he was, that he would never break a promise to her. But he did, and nothing will ever change that. Not the fact that he is here now, and certainly not the fact that he won't leave when she asked. He can stay now but in the end, Ellie knows he will be gone again.

Ellie walked over to the shower, turning it on as the sound of rushing water filled the room. She walked over to the sink, leaning on it she hung her head as she tried to stop the tears. "Its ok.." she mumbled through a shaky breath as she let out a slight whimper. Ellie rolled up the sleeve of her black shirt, the freshly wrapped white gauze was wrapped tightly around her newest scar. Little specks of blood covered the spot, she raised her hand as she ran her fingers over the gauze.

Even though the scar was covered Ellie wanted nothing more at that moment then to see it, touch it, feel it beneath her fingers. As she let in a shaky breath Ellie quickly tore the gauze from her arm. The sight of the freshly made scar caught her eye, little drops of dried blood surrounded it. She let tears roll down her cheek as she ran her fingers over the raised piece of skin. The second she touched the scar, all she could still feel was the cold blade run across it, the warm blood wrap itself around her arm...the feeling of freedom and the release of pain washing out as quickly as the blood had done.

Out of the corner of her eye Ellie could see a razor. Not just any razor...Sean's razor. Ellie picked up the razor as she tried to remember back on a time when she had actually witnessed Sean shaving. His skin was always so smooth..she could not remember him ever shaving. As she glanced from the sharp razor and down to her newer scar she slowly lowered it, hovering above the scar.

"No.." She whimpered.

"No..No.." Ellie lowered the razor so that it was just lightly touching the scar, her skin was still tender at that time, and the feel of the warm razor on her scar still stung her slightly.

Ellie took a deep breath as she prepared herself for the pain she knew would come.

"NO!" She screamed as she threw the razor across the room. She leaned on the sink as tears continued to flow freely down her face. Images of Sean washing through her head, the reminder of the pool of blood she almost drowned in haunting her...taunting her...

Ellie looked up as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, not realizing how hard until her mouth filled with the bitter taste of warm blood.

"Stop it.." Ellie whispered at her reflection.

Ellie continued to stare at herself, suddenly nothing seemed right, Nothing felt right, nothing looked right. Her hair..her eyes..her tear stained face..."Stop it!" She shrieked as she raised her hand and slammed it hard into the mirror, shattering it into a dozen pieces. The sound of the glass shattering shook her. Ellie backed away as she reached the tub, which was now full of water.

"Ellie?!? Ellie are you ok!?" The sound of Ashley's frantic voice filled the air.

"No.." she whimpered softly as she slid to the ground, and pulled her legs to her chest.

-------------------------------

Sean stopped as he looked up at the house he once shared with Ellie. The house that once he called home, once seemed so welcoming and once seemed to be the one place he fit in..now looked like something he had never seen before. The feeling of being home was gone, and all he felt now was as if this was the one place he was not wanted. Ellie tried to make that clear many times before.

He walked up to the doorstep, digging into his pocket he pulled out the key. He meant to send it back to her, but something inside of him would not let him do it. A part of him always knew someday he would come back. He knew he could never stay away for too long. Being away from this place, from these people..from Ellie..it was harder then he thought. Going everyday and not waking up to see her beautiful red head walk past the doorway..not be able to hear her laugh, see her smile, listen to her laugh...fell her kiss..everything about her...he could not go a day without thinking about her. Hell he couldn't go a minute without thinking about her.

Sean raised the key, prepared to unlock it..but then he lowered it as he realized walking in would not be good. He no longer lives here, he left this place to Ellie and walking in would only cause more damage then he has already done. Sean raised his arm as he knocked on the door.

Several seconds later Marco pulled it open.

"What are you doing, here?" He asked as he looked at Sean.

"Let me see her." Sean insisted.

Marco looked over his shoulder, as he pushed Sean back and stepped outside, closing the door behind him.

"Look Sean, you should just go." Marco said as he looked at him.

"No way. I came here to talk to her and I'm not leaving until I do." Sean insisted.

"SEAN. This is not a good time. Just go." Marco said.

"Why the hell did you call me if you're not going to let me see her?!" Sean asked, raising his voice in anger.

"I called you because I thought thats what Ellie would have wanted!" Marco yelled.

"Yeah well it is! I need to see her!" Sean could feel his blood begin to boil.

"Calling you was a mistake. Your being here only makes it worse. She's going through a lot right now and you being here is only making everything worse. When you left..like that...I don't know what happened to her but it messed her up. So you being here is only making it worse. Just go back to Wasaga, Sean. You can't do any good here." Marco said.

Sean opened his mouth to protest..but as he did nothing came out. He was right. Marco was right.Walking out on her like that has clearly done some more damage, and now her father's death only intensified that. Sean sighed as he threw his hands up in defeat.

"You're not welcome here." Marco said as he walked back inside and slammed the door.

Sean stared at the closed door, as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small wooden box. Opening the box he stared down at the shiny pieces of metal. Her fathers medals. Sean had gone back to her house in search of a way to contact her father, but what he found was better. Ellie had once told him that she feared his metals were lost in the fire, and Sean always remembered the look in her eyes when she said that. She was fighting back tears. She had always kept that box close beside her bed, she once told him it was what reminded her that his not being there only meant he was out trying to make someone elses life better, bring someone else's father home safely. It was her reminder that he was doing everything for them, and that he would come home a hero..again.

Sean sighed as he bent down and placed the small box on the front step. Staring at the closed door one final time before turning around and walking away.


	13. A Desperate Attempt

**A Desperate Attempt**

"ELLIE!" The sound of Ashley's voice breaking through the sound of the rushing water came through the door. Ellie raised her head as she placed both her hands on the ground beside her, hanging her head she took several deep breaths to calm herself down as she slowly and painfully pushed herself to her feet, grabbing onto the sides of the tub to steady herself.

As she stood up her eyes scanned the now destroyed bathroom. The floor was covered with shards of the broken mirror, slight trickles of blood seeped down her arm as she realized a piece of the glass must have pricked her. She searched the bathroom as she spotted the roll of toilet paper.

"ELLIE OPEN THE DOOR!" Ashley yelled louder.

"Just A minute!" Ellie called back, her voice slightly cracking.

Ellie grabbed the paper towel as she quickly brushed away the slight drops of blood. If Ashley saw any of it she would assume Ellie had actually cut herself, and then she would be forced to sit through a long speech.

Throwing the toilet paper in the toilet she quickly flushed the toilet, rushing to the shower she turned the water off. Walking to the door she took a few more deep breaths before turning off the light and swinging open the door.

"What happened? Are you ok?" Ashley asked her, her voice full of concern.

"Yeah. I got some water on the ground, slipped and broke the mirror." Ellie said, forcing herself to let out a soft chuckle to make her believe her story.

"Are you ok?" Ashley asked as she attempted to stick her head into the room.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just...tired. I'll clean it up tomorrow." Ellie said as she pushed Ashley into the hallway, following her she closed the door behind her.

"I'm just..I think I'm going to..go to bed." Ellie said.

"Hey what happened?" Marco asked as he approched the two girls, a small brown box in his hands.

Ellie's eyes landed on the box, immediatly she recognized it. Her jaw nearly dropped as she spotted it, how could he have known? Where did he find it? What..

"Wh-Where did you get that?" Ellie stuttered.

"Huh? Oh it was on the front steps. Sean must have dropped it off. What is it?" Marco asked.

Sean? Sean was here? How could she have..it doesn't matter. She wouldn't have talked to him anyways. Ellie approched Marco, quickly snatching the box from his hands.

"It's nothing." She snapped as she turned and headed for the bedroom.

"Ellie!" Marco called after her.

Ellie slammed the door behind her, loud enough for Marco to finally get the hint and back off.

As she moved away from the door she sat down on the bed, holding on to the box tightly. She brushed away the tears welling in her eyes as she opened the box with a shaky hand.

The second she spotted the shiny bronze medals her eyes welled with tears. Ellie collapsed on the bed, grabbing the pillow as she buried her face in it, finally allowing for the sobs to escape, no more holding back.

---------------------

Sean sat down at the empty table in the far corner of The Dot. Rolling up his sleeve he checked the time..4:00... Leaning against the back of the seat he rested his head against it, closing his eyes as he tried to come up with a way, SOME way to get Ellie to talk to him. At this point he was desprate and willing to do just about anything he could to get her to listen to him, hear him out.

"What are you doing here?" A voice came from in front of him.

Sean's eyes fluttered open as he saw Paige standing before him, leaning on the bench. Great. Another person telling him just how much his leaving screwed Ellie up.

"I'm not going anywhere, ok? Not till she talks to me." Sean insisted.

"I didn't tell you to go anywhere." Paige said.

Without even waiting for a invitation, Paige slide into the booth across from him.

"What now?" Sean asked frustrared. "Look if you're here to tell me to go back to Wasaga, no one wants me here..I'm the reason Ellie ended up in that hospital..you're wasting your breath. I'm not going anywhere." Sean said.

"I'm not telling you any of that." Paige said, locking eyes with him.

"Then..what do you want?" Sean asked, confused.

"Why are you here? At the Dot. Why aren't you with Ellie? Why aren't you doing everything in your power to get her to listen to you?" Paige asked.

"Why aren't you telling me to leave?" Sean asked.

"Because unlike Ashley, Marco and everyone else you're associated with I'm not thinking about myself..for a change." Paige said.

"Who are you thinking about?"

"Ellie. She needs you, Sean." Paige said.

"Since when do you know what or who Ellie needs?"

"Since I saw her in the closet that day. Look I know that your leaving really screwed with her but its not all about you. She just found out her father died and instead of letting her be with the ONE PERSON she needs more then anything, they are being selfish and actually think that she can handle this with them. She cant. Look..I never would have gotten over my rape if it weren't for that jerk, Spinner. Even though I didn't know how much I needed him at the time..he still was there for me. And now I'm grateful for what he did..Ellie just doesn't realize how much she needs you right now..which is why you have to prove to her that you're not going anywhere.." Paige said.

Sean stared across the table at the blond haired girl. Never in a millon years would he have thought that he would be getting worthy advice from Paige Michalchuck. _You have to prove to her that you're not going anywhere..._ Her words repeated over and over in his head.

"What can I get you?" The sound of Spinner Mason's voice shook Sean from his thoughts as he looked up. Spinner pulled a small white notepad and pencil out of his pocket as he stared at them. He looked just as confused to see Paige sitting there as Sean still was.

"Nothing." Sean said as he crawled from the booth.

As he walked around Spinner, heading for the door he stopped short, turning back to take one final look at Paige.

"Thanks.." he said softly.

Paige gave him a slight nod, as he turned and headed for the door, preparing himself to do something he should have done a long time ago.

--------------

Ellie stared blankly at the ceiling above her. She has been laying here for nearly six hours now. Closing her eyes she has managed to drift off to sleep for a few moments here or there, but not much longer then a half hour or forty-five minutes at that. She had tried many times to sleep as long as possible, but just when she was thinking she would be able to make it the whole night..she found herself staring at the wall or ceiling, thinking that her eyes were closed. From her window she has been in bed long enough to witness the sun setting, the moon rising..now the only light in the room was the dim light that was coming from the moon, shining in through the closed blinds.

She looked beside her at the time. Almost Ten o'clock. Ellie rolled onto her side, but the second she did the picture on the night stand caught her attention. Pushing herself in bed, Ellie grabbed the picture as she looked down at it. Her eyes welled with tears as she stared down at it. She closed her eyes as she remembered the day it was taken.

_It was a bright yet cold day, and Ellie, Sean, Jay and Alex had been hanging out in the stupid kids park. The one for the elementary school kids. A bunch of kids were running around them, screaming, laughing, they got a few dirty looks from some random parents as the group of teenagers walked in through the gate. Sean spotted the coffee table and grabbed Ellie, pulling her down beside him he pulled a camera from his pocket and tossed it to Jay, ordering him to take a picture. Ellie had tried to fight him, she hates getting her picture taken. And of course Sean knew this which is probably one of the reasons why he had insisted she smile for the camera._ _Of course he had to tickle her in order to get her to smile, but he somehow managed to get it out of her..like he always does. _

Ellie's eyes opened as she heard the sound of something coming from the window, across the room. Sitting up in bed she watched in horror as the window slowly began to open. Realizing she never locked it. Of course the thought of locking it never actually occured to her before, no one ever really thought about locking their windows though. Robbery was not something Ellie ever remebers hearing much of since she came here.

Looking around the room, she slowly reached for the top drawer of the night stand, pulling it open quietly she pulled out the flashlight, it was heavy, heavy enough to cause some major damage to her attacker.

The window finally opened fully, and the sound of a body hitting the ground was enough to scare Ellie right out of the bed. She jumped to her feet as she ran across the room and quickly turned on the light.

"STOP!" She yelled as she raised the flashlight.

"NO!" The sound of a males voice shook her.

Ellie's jaw dropped as she got a good look at the man laying on the ground.

"Sean!?"


	14. Tomorrow's A New Day

**Tomorrow's A New Day**

Ellie dropped the flashlight as she saw Sean laying there on the ground, clutching onto his side.

"Calm down." He said as he pulled himself to his feet.

"What are you doing here?!" She asked in a whisper, trying not to wake up Marco or Ashley.

"This is the only way I could get you to talk to me." He said as he walked over to the bed, sitting down.

Ellie stood there in shock as she watched how casually he sat down on the bed, as if he still lived here. She noticed how he was still clutching onto his side, remembering the loud fall he had. He must have banged his ribs on the windowsill or something because clearly he was hurting.

"Are..Are you ok?" She asked him.

"Yeah. Just bad fall." He said to her as he looked up at her.

"Let me...can I see it.." she asked, sitting down beside him.

Sean looked at her as she slowly raised his shirt, just enough to get a good look at the red tender mark over his ribs. She could tell that it must hurt, and clearly it will be black and blue tomorrow. She reached out to touch it, but forced herself to stop, her hand inches away from making complete contact with his exposed skin. No. There is no way she can touch it. If she touches his bare skin it will only make it harder to talk to him, to look at him, to remember that he is not the same man he was months ago. It will only make it harder to tell him to leave.

"You shouldn't be here.." Ellie whispered softly.

"I wanted to see if you got my gift." He said to her, looking up as she slowly dropped his shirt, and backed away from him, scooting further down the bed.

"Where did you...find them?" Ellie asked him.

"I went back to your house. They were buried under a bunch of stuff under your moms bed." He said to her.

Ellie nodded slightly. Trying to find a way to form the one simple word she knew she needed to say.

"Thanks.."she replied softly.

"I'm...I..I heard..about..your dad...I'm.." Sean tried to mumble out the sentence, tried to let her know that he was sorry. But of course he knew it would mean nothing. If he knew anything about Ellie Nash, its that she didn't believe in the word sorry. It means nothing, no matter who says it or why. What can it do? She used to always tell him that. She used to say that it's a nice word to hear but it can't change anything other then give the person being apologized to a false sense of comfort.

"You shouldn't be here." Ellie said as she stood up, looking at him.

She walked over to the door, pulling it open as she leaned against it, staring at him.

"If you're quiet you can sneak past Marco and Ash." Ellie said to him.

"No. I'm not going anywhere. Not until you listen to me." Sean said.

Ellie turned to him, closing the door quietly as she leaned against it, too afraid to sit down beside him again. If she sat down next to him then there was no telling what she would do. Being that close to Sean, feeling his breath on her face..it would take all she had in her not to lean in and kiss him softly.

"What..what do you have to say?" She asked softly.

Sean looked at her, almost as if he was shocked that she seemed to be agreeing to listen to her. He stared in silence, as if he was trying his best to chose his words carefully. Letting out a breath he stood up, and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

"I..I want us to be...us again." He said to her, finally.

"We can't." Ellie replied softly, crossing her arms over her chest. She suddenly felt a slight cold chill run up her spine, and wrapping her arms around herself was the only thing she felt she could do right at this moment.

"Why not?" He asked her.

"Becuase...Because you left." She said, her voice cracking slightly as she let out the last word.

Sean removed his hands from his pockets, looking down as he slightly nodded. He was at a loss for what to say next. She was right, he knew it. There was no point in denying it, he left and she was forced to stay here alone. He had in a way betrayed her, almost as bad as it would be if he were cheating on her.

"I'm back now..I'm not going anywhere." He spoke, looking back up at her.

Ellie didn't say anything as she just stood there, leaning against the door, her arms still folded across her chest, eyes locked with his. The eyes she was once able to look in and feel nothing but love and happiness..now the same eyes she looks in and sees love, and heartache. Everytime she looks at him now another piece of her heart breaks away.

"Ellie..please.." he pleaded as he took a step closer to her.

"Sean.." Ellie said softly, a tear forming in the corner of her eye.

He took another step closer, and another..and another until he was a mere inches away. Ellie could feel his warm breath on her face, her heart beating so loudly in her ears that she wondered if he could hear it as well. She unwrapped her arms from her chest and dropped them to her side, Sean's eyes followed her arms as he reached down and placed his hand in hers, intertwining his fingers with hers.

Ellie opened her mouth, as if to protest. She knew what was coming next, and even though she didn't want it to happen..she couldn't bring herself to say stop. Because she didn't want to stop, she wanted to feel his lips on hers, she wanted to wrap her arms around him and feel him again. She wanted to touch him and kiss him and be with him like she used to be.

As if on cue, Sean took one final step closer, closing the gap between them as he leaned in closely...as if it was something she had dreamed..she finally felt as his lips met hers. The feel of his lips on hers was all it took for Ellie to want to lose herself in him again, as she wrapped both her arms around him, and returned the kiss, each second that passed she deepened it more.

One thought continued to repeat in her head over and over again..

_What Am I Doing? _


	15. The Sweetest Sin

**THE SWEETEST SIN**

"Sean..No.." Ellie whispered as she slowly broke away from the kiss, pressing her hands on his chest, pushing him away lightly.

"Oh..uh..so-sorry." He whispered as he backed away from her. Letting out a slight breath as he stared into her eyes.

"It's just..I-I missed you.." he said, smiling slightly.

"This doesn't mean..I-I mean we're not.." Ellie sighed as she tried to get te rest of her sentence out.

"What are you talking about? You can't tell me that kiss meant nothing." Sean said.

"No. Of course it did. It meant everything but it doesn't change anything. One simple kiss doesn't erase the past and it doesnt change the fact that you still left." Ellie said.

"But I came back."

"You still left."

"I'm back now and I'm not leaving you again. Ellie I promise you..I will never leave you again." He said as he reached over, taking her hands in his.

Tears filled her eyes as Ellie fought herself from breaking down again.

"You made that promise before.." She whimpered slightly, as she pulled her hands out of his. "..and you didn't keep it." She finished.

"But I'll keep it this time." Sean said.

"I...I don't believe you.." Ellie whispered.

"Ellie.." Sean said as he stepped closer to her, placing his hand on her cheek and looked her deep in the eyes. "I love you." He said.

"I love you too..which is why you have to go. Now." Ellie said, once again backing away from his touch.

"What? No. I'm not going anywhere. Elli-"

"Sean. Go. Before I wake Marco and Ashley and have them kick you out." Ellie insisted.

Sean looked at her, a look of shock on his face as he slowly backed away.

"Fine. I'll go..for now. But I'm not giving up on you. Not now..not ever." He insisted as he turned around and silently climbed out the window he fell through.

Ellie slowly walked over to the window that Sean had just crawled through. She stuck her head outside only to realize he did exactly what she had asked. He left.

----------------

Sean quietly crept around the house, being sure to remain in the shadow so that Ashley, Marco or any of the neighbors wouldn't see him. Thank god it was so easy to sneak into her window but climbing out was another story. Especially since Ashley and Marco appeared to be awake and walking around, with the light on. Which only made it that much harder since the light coming from the window, was now taking away from his hiding space in the shadows.

"Sean?"

Sean closed his eyes tightly, silently cursing at the sound of his name. He opened his eyes and let out a sigh of relief when he saw Craig standing halfway across the yard.

"What are you doing sneaking around, man?" Craig asked as he walked over to him.

"Keep it down." Sean hissed at his friend.

Craig looked at him, surprised at his behavior.

"You ok?" He asked him.

"I don't want Ashley to see me. She'll give me some stupid speech again." Sean said with a slight roll of his eyes.

"Well..alright uh..then go. I won't tell her I saw you." Craig said.

"Thanks." Sean said with a slight nod as he quietly walked past his friend, and down the street.

----------------

Ellie walked to the bed, as she collapsed on it, bringing her legs up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs, continuing to fight back the tears that were filling her eyes. _I can't cry. _She thought to herself as she chocked back a sob.

Sean was here. He was back..that kiss..her lips were still warm, she could still feel his on hers. She could still feel his breath on her face, feel his hand in hers, his hand on her face..the memory was just too fresh. As her head began to fill with haunting thoughts.

_Why did I push him away? _She raised her hand as she brushed away the single tear that was rolling down her cheek. Of course she knew why she pushed him away. He walked away from her and now the only reason he came back is because Marco called him and told him about her incident. If he didnt know what happened, if he didn't find out..he would still be in Wasaga. And Ellie would be able to continue to mourn the death of the best relationship she's ever had..in peace. Without the constant reminders that he is not the same guy he used to be.

The Sean Cameron she knew was too strong to ever run away. It's not like she didn't understand his need to escape the constant media attention. He did an amazing thing, though. He prevented Rick from killing anyone, but in the process he killed a man himself. It is understandable how he would need a place to escape too..but Ellie could never quiet understand why he never asked her to stay with him. She would have done it, in a heartbeat. She loves him she would give up anything just to be with him. If it meant giving up her life in Toronto, her friends, even leaving her mom then she would do it. Nothing would have stopped her.

But he didn't.

He just took her down to Wasaga with Jay and Emma, he allowed for her to believe that it was just a day trip for him to get the closure he wanted and needed from his parents..and then he crushed her by informing her of the real reason why he decided to go there. When he told Ellie that he was staying..she stood there in silence for those few seconds and waited patiently for him to come out and ask her to stay with him.

"No.." Ellie whispered softly to herself as she slid off the bed, and bent down grabbing the duffel bag out. She threw the bag on the bed and turned on the bedside lamp, walking over to the dresser she began to throw a large amount of clothes onto the bed. Digging through every drawer as she pulled out enough clothes to get her few a few days. One thought repeating in her head.._I have to be the one to leave this time. _

Ellie walked to the bed, throwing the remainder of the clothes in the bag as she grabbed her wallet from the dresser. Opening it she noticed that she still had the five-hundred dollars she got from her mother for this months rent. She placed the wallet in her bag as she approched the window. Taking a glance outside she made sure Sean was really gone, as she threw the bag out the window, and silently climbed out.


End file.
